By Elias Altman

A friend recently turned to me, sighed and said, “I think I’m due for a blackout tonight.” It was a windy Friday and we were huddled outside the library talking about our plans for the night. At the time, I laughed and agreed that the week had been rough. But afterwards, I couldn’t stop thinking about what he said.

Tuesday, Feb. 27:
Light snow expected — perfect for a solitary stroll with a cigarette and my suicidal thoughts to keep me company.

Wednesday, Feb. 28:
Partly cloudy, which will be nice for staying inside and ripping up old photographs.

1. Reveal parts of body in exchange for bright, shiny, meaningless plastic beads
2. Be the jerk with the bright, shiny, meaningless plastic beads.

By Nate Bradbury

Brown v. Board is recognized as a groundbreaking legal case which, to quote George W. Bush, was “a decision that changed America for the better, and forever.” However, that “forever” is now in question.

Two ongoing Supreme Court cases are currently threatening to overturn the monumental decision in Brown v. Board of Education. Therefore, it is important to straighten out some of the historical misrepresentations of the Brown ruling and how those misrepresentations continue to hamper social equality.

To start, Brown was not even the first case to challenge racially-segregated schooling in Topeka, or the whole …

By Ambrose Bierse, Jr.

Censorship (noun): A right usually excersized by a tyrant or dictator that actively suppresses the publication of views that contradict one’s own conservative, false and profoundly boring worldview. The views that are repressed are always more interesting and innovative than those held by the tyrant or dictator.

See also Hypocrite, White Man Giver, Sexual Harassment

First Use: “Because we cannot actually control the minds of everyone in the world, we will devise a way to control what they read, hear and say. We will call this wonderful invention: censorship.” (150 A.D.) Pompos I

by Nicole Vincent-Roller

Despite the beliefs of some out-of-staters and hopeful hippies, it is never legal to be in possession of any amount of marijuana in the state of Vermont. That said, if you do happen to find yourself the custodian of a dime-bag (by accident, of course) it’s important that you know the weight of the responsibility- literally. In the legal world, the difference of a single gram can be the difference between a misdemeanor, a relatively minor offense, and a felony conviction.

I, for one, would like to register my disgust with your “newspaper,” The Water Tower.

As I carefully pored over every word, again and again, I found myself getting more and more… bothered.

Even your “art” is scandalous. What a mockery you make of an innocent avocado! How dare you publish a picture of a piece of fruit with its stuff all hanging out!

As I examined this image over and over, some children happened by. I pulled them to my bosom and covered their eyes so they would not be exposed to such filth! Of course, I had to first explain that …

By Max Bookman

“The reality is that this process has become… about money, a lot of money.”

– Former Iowa Governor Tom Vilsack on his retracted bid for the Democratic nomination for the 2008 Presidential election. Vilsack is a strong critic of America’s presence in Iraq and has suggested reallocating war funds to alternative fuel research. The campaign suffered from a lack of funding, and the fact that you’ve probably never heard of him may just prove his point.

“It’s hard for me living in this beautiful White House to give you a first-hand assessment.”

– President …

By Mike Pelansky

I am not a religious man, but I know that most definitions of righteousness involve providing for one’s neighbor in times of need. My own dark hours here at UVM have usually occurred during the darker hours themselves, the wee hours of the morning.

Belligerent pilgrimages up and down Buell or Isham Street have found me searching for a resting place. Hemingway’s drunk sought a clean, well-lighted place, and similarly I have found myself seeking a safe-haven for the night that does not involve intimate contact with a filthy gutter, a Portuguese chokehold from Tobias, the Bouncer of RJ’s, or my Art History professor’s front lawn.

1. Untagging old Facebook pictures during phase of “tongue sticking out” party-face; now much prefer pose of “sexy eyes and middle fingers extended.”
2. Enticed by girlfriend Chelsea’s text message to “blunt it up” on Williams fire escape, where the sunset would be “2 dope 2 miss.”

1. Drinks at Half Lounge, snow angels on walk home — let’s hope that’s enough
2. Offer him your headies as you ride the Ganjola at Stowe; pit-stop at Piecasso’s

By Jen Nolan

When walking into “the clothing line” in downtown Burlington a person isn’t sure where to look first: the large hats, poofy vintage prom dresses, oversized brightly-colored sunglasses in every color. This potentially catastrophic dilemma comes to an end when a woman behind the counter focuses your attention when she yells out, “Hey, how are you?”

1. Bernie ‘06 — because Vermont politics are legit. For real.
2. Eat More Kale — because I’ve been vegan since 2006.

By Jen Nolan

Aries… Although usually you enjoy running that loud mouth of yours, soon you;ll be drawn to the soft-spoken words swirling around your eardrums from an unlikely friend. Your relationship with this human whisperer will continue with ninja-like grace and speed from this point forward.

By Julie Bilodeau

Nothing treats an undiagnosed case of dry mouth like some narsty nachos. It’s late, you’re revving up for the third, intense, video game sesh of the night ( Halo), and your stomach starts barking. If you listen closely, you’ll hear it whisper “nachos man, nachos.”

Attention all wannabe thugs! Becky Sue is a happy-go-lucky girl who will show you a great time as long as you can satisfy her cocaine addiction. She is running pretty low on cash so with Thirsty Thursday around the corner you should consider pursuing Becky Sue with a gram or two. Becky Sue is 5′3″ with blonde hair and green eyes. When she isn’t in class, Becky Sue likes to walk up and down Church Street as she smokes a pack of cigarettes.Becky loves to party all night, and she doesn’t eat much so you don’t need to worry about the whole dating thing. Interested? Call Becky Sue at 555-7499!