Surfing the Stars with Jen Nolan: March 6-12, 2007

Published March 6, 2007

By Jen Nolan

Aries… Reactions the speed of a shooting star will soon be required of you. Don’t waste time thinking or considering your options. The world has no time to wait for you to decide whether or not to purchase those sexy light-up sneakers.

Taurus… The beauteous Northern Lights will overwhelm you with intense flashing lights. This will initially have you befuddled, but these magical beams are for your own benefit; beams are the ultimate cornea healer. You can’t get out of a 3rd grade Mario Kart addiction scotch free.

Gemini… The atmosphere is full of unique and interconnected beings; use this week to feel out the beings in your own proximity. Let your eyes wander past steering wheel and out into the oncoming traffic.

Cancer… An approaching decision thrown into your path by Mars should be dealt with using rigid and severe procrastination. Just as some things are best left unsaid, some things are best left undone. This methodology can be applied to every aspect of your life this week.

Leo… Beware of a fast-talker whose words don’t match up with her actions. Identify this sly individual during a fit of sneezing caused by a stream of fully charged space electrons that will be sent by the sun and bounce off the water tower.

Virgo… A nuclear explosion the size of Mt. Vesuvius could be occurring in your stomach if you have those Mentos and diet Coke at the same time… avoid this catastrophe! Wait an hour before enjoying that minty fresh tingle.
Libra… Although last week may have been rough due a lack of astrological predictions to guide you, this week the universe will make it up to you. Expect to receive everything you desire, right down to those Dunkaroos you’ve been craving lately…there’s just no sugar high that compares.

Scorpio… The angry alignment of the five smallest orbiting moons will have the potential to paralyze your left pinky toe; the use of this toe will be absolutely critical within the next two days. The moons may be warded off by the wearing of spiked heels or fleece socks.

Sagittarius… Your glorious singing voice will be carried far this week…whether it’s the birthday song or Jimmy Buffett’s “ Cheeseburger in Paradise,” the steady vibrations of your vocal chords will vibrate their way up to the heavens and soothe the feuding outer planets.

Capricorn… A gaggle of drunk screaming freshman will bring closure to the bubbling questions that have been brewing in your ethical swamp. Their great decibel level will make their message hard to ignore.

Aquarius… This week take time to recognize a disguised opportunity from the Milky Way—nothing is going to land itself in your lap, so be on the lookout and jump on that wagon faster than you would a free beer.

Pisces… Lately you may have noticed a few brain cramps. Don’t fret; Venus is feeding you a steady stream of creative energy. Ignore concrete facts of earthly magnitudes and open your temporal lobe to the ethereal stream from the generous Venus.

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