Surfing the Stars with Jen Nolan

Published March 20, 2007

By Jen Nolan

Aries… One of your strongest stars, the gamma star, represents the fat ram. This week the fat ram will help you resolve a pressing quandary. Your aggressive, domineering demeanor combined with your super-fly dodgeball game will lead you to a significant revelation.

Taurus…You are easily the most determined of all the zodiac signs. While you may think college is the right place for you right now, it’s not. Enroll your determined, naturally heat resistant body in a flaming-throwing class downtown immediately.
Gemini… Your love for people is a persistent Gemini trait; however, not everyone is the gushing Gemini you are. As usual, you’ll want to frequent only the classiest of locations, but this week, try to keep an open mind to socializing in dark alleys.
Cancer…In Buddhist tradition, the crab (your sign) is linked to the sleep of death. Stay light years away from ingesting lobsters, crabs, or orange-flavored chocolate to keep this wretched fate at bay for another week.
Leo… Your alpha star, Regulus, is quite eye-catching. Take note of Regulus’ sex-magnet strategy and go for absolute brilliance. Nothing is more of a turn on than an encyclopedic vocabulary. You will grow closer to your next lover with every four-plus syllable word you flaunt.

Virgo… Although Virgos are usually sensible, practical characters, that inner voice of yours won’t naturally propel you to American Idol stardom. Begin your musical journey in the shower, a cappella, before taking things public.
Libra… Venus is the planet lord of your sign, representing a degree of refinement. This week it will be necessary to hold that prissiness in check: place your pinkie firmly down on the Bud Light can and sip; do not forget to crush against forehead when finished.
Scorpio… Like your namesake the scorpion, you often become frantic and frightened when confronted with a problem. This week, work on recovering from chronic deer-in-headlight syndrome by wearing your sunglasses at night.
Sagittarius… Your idealistic attitude can be both an attribute and a setback. Keep this in mind, as you’ll soon either be inspired or discouraged to see a hopeless project in a new light. If this project involves a Libra, trash it. If, however a Leo is at hand, get on that immediately.
Capricorn…This week, your ambitious attitude will draw you to a particularly difficult crossword puzzle. Although frustration will surely entail, persevere! Your post-achievement glow will attract a particularly great kisser.

Aquarius… The Egyptians related Aquarius to the yearly flooding of the Nile River. Prepare to get comfortable amidst the muddy gushing of snow in Burlington, as well as with a close friend who will soon want to be galaxies away from a cheating lover.
Pisces… This week, spontaneity will be your forte. Relinquish all self-control to your ADHD-ish nature. Do not let the consequences intimidate you; as a late birthday present, Mars will field all repercussions of your unruly actions.

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