My Fifteen Minutes of Obscurity

Published April 10, 2007

By Kurt Weiss

The interval between classes is usually the worst time of my day. I leave every class with only two things on my mind: getting food and finding someone I know. The latter is almost always a guaranteed failure and getting food is simply a disappointment.

I usually end up eating whatever crap roll-up they’re boxing at Cook Commons by myself. I tuck myself away somewhere in the back of my empty classroom (based on my egregious eating habits, some might say this is for the best).

In any case, I harbor a hateful jealousy for anyone I see with a friend and/or a good sandwich during these lonely periods.

Each day brings me to the same revelation: the interval between classes is depressing; it can never live up to expectations.

Here are the only nine options I see possible in the fifteen minutes between my first shitty class of the day and my second shitty class of the day.

Scenario #1: Head directly to class. Arrive before anyone else and choose best seat in the house, but feel like a total loser. Head back out into the hallway and slowly walk to the furthest water fountain in the building. Head back to class, alone and miserable, to find it doesn’t start for anther 10 minutes.

Scenario #2: Head directly to next class, claim first seat and go back into the hall to make a phone call. Call up best friend for a quick chat. No answer. Call up second best friend. No answer. Call Mom. No answer. Each voicemail makes you more and more aggravated. Not even technology is your friend. Go back to class and wait.

Scenario #3: Head to Cook Commons for a quick bite. Realize half the school had the same idea and leave hungry and dejected like when you found out she had a venereal disease.

Scenario #4: Head to “Feel Good” for a bite. Place order and immediately realize they take longer to make a sandwich than Red Onion on parents’ weekend, underwater. Show up to class late with a delicious grilled cheese sandwich.

Scenario #5: Head to Cook Commons. Lurk around awkwardly trying to act like you’re not looking to see if you know anyone there, while actually looking around to see if anyone you know is there.

Scenario #6: Head to first floor of library. Ditto.

Scenario #7: Head to library to check e-mail. You have no e-mail, you checked before you left for class an hour ago. Contemplate checking Facebook – decide it’s too embarrassing.

Scenario #8: Power walk to class, grab seat in back and start homework now due in ten minutes.

Scenario #9: The sun is out, hippies are drumming on the green, you didn’t do the homework assignment. Fuck class.

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