By Elias Altman

I was recently in Borders looking for a book that would corroborate my worldview the way The Catcher in the Rye once did. As I thumbed through the glossy spines, I overheard – really “eavesdropped on” – a conversation between a couple.

They were arguing about something silly – the basis for most relationship squabbles – and I glanced up at them. He capped the argument by saying, “Well, you know, when in Rome, do as the Romans.”

Aphorisms are short sentences that convey a truth of general import, and I …

By Nate Bradbury

April 20th, sometimes referred to as 4/20 or 4:20, is rapidly approaching UVM. For some, this Friday will be just another day of classes. For others, April 20th has become what the Partnership for exactly 420 pounds of marijuana would be fatal?

Clearly, those myths are unrealistic, if not totally amusing. In reality, the phrase 4:20 – and subsequently the 4/20 celebration that emerged – originated with a group of Marin County, CA high school students …

1. Food Disputes— last night’s lone slice of Domino’s “Hawaiian” pizza gets eaten without agreement. Thus, an argument about who has spent more communal points ensues.
2. Sex- Related Problems— sexiles, walk-ins, sex-while-roommate-was-passed-out, sex-with-roommate’s-ex (I thought you were over it?), sex-in-the-shower-and-subsequent-use-of-roommate’s-Lever-soap-for-all-2000-parts.
3. Clothing Arguments— female roommate’s new “cute” pink tank top is found in a dirty heap on the floor; male roommate’s “dope” pink Polo shirt is found in a dirty heap on the floor.

By Max C. Bookman

“I’ve apologized enough.”

-Nationally syndicated radio host (and total asshole), Don Imus, who made racist and sexist comments about the Rutgers’ women’s basketball team on his morning show, causing a media uproar. This has not been the first time Imus has made derogatory comments, and his show has since been dropped by CBS Radio.

By Rob Booz

We can’t officially call it dead, but in a Jimmy Hoffa kind of way Blondini’s is definitely sleeping with the fishes. Once a UVM breakfast mainstay, the food cart has been missing all semester. More than just a greasy spoon on wheels, the run down cart was the only place on campus to buy cigarettes and coffee in one stop. The morning line of jittery students waiting for their fix was constantly the longest, eclipsing its surviving family members: Pam’s, Ali Baba’s, and the little Chinese place that folds your fork in …

April 22 marks the 19th anniversary of the 1988 Waterman take over of the President’s office by students demanding an increase in racial diversity on campus. In 1991, students again took over the President’s office on April 22, on the grounds that the demands for increased diversity had not been met.

President Fogel lists diversity as one of his priorities for the University, however, how much progress has actually been made, and how committed Fogel is to this issue remains to be seen.

By Kurt Weiss

T.S. Eliot once wrote that “April is the cruelest month,” and I couldn’t agree more with that fucking guy.

Right now, my bank account is low, the weather is shit, and all the work I put off all semester is apparently due within a day or two of tomorrow.

My refrigerator, usually full of meats and organic vegetables from around the world, is now sparsely stocked with frozen vegetable sides and chicken nuggets. Not to say I can’t combine the two for a delightful dinner, but standards have fallen. Morale is low.

The weather is really the problem. There was a moment back in March when the weather seemed to encourage sandals, shorts, and most importantly, skirts.

By Max C. Bookman

Have you been fooling yourself into thinking that your “Go Yellow” bumper sticker puts you on the frontlines of the fight to rid the world of petroleum? Well think again. I’ll try and forgive you for being so gung-ho about ethanol. After all, when you heard of a cheap fuel that is produced domestically, burns cleanly, and cuts us free of shady Arab oil tycoons, how could you not fall in love? The irony is just too great: all-American corn saving us (and the environment!) from our oil woes.

Ethanol …

By Nicole Vincent-Roller

“MARIJUANA IS NOW LEGAL TO OUR MEMBERS IN ALL 50 STATES OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA,” Temple 420’s website proclaims in loud capital letters. The Temple, a Judeo-Christian church based out of California, claims that cannabis is the “plant for the healing of all nations” mentioned in the Book of Revelations 22.2 and therefore incorporates the burning of the sacred bud into their services as a sacrament.
“I have dedicated my entire life to ending the prohibition of marijuana in the United States,” writes the church’s founder, Craig X Rubin. “Now I can finally accomplish that goal and at the same time spread the loving message of the Bible.”

The Temple’s website encourages readers and believers to exercise their right to religious freedom by becoming card-carrying members of the Temple, urging them to pass on the word along with the pipe while assuring them of their legal safety.

Throughout the weeks leading up to Tent City, and during Tent City, the University Administration did not follow its own Freedom of Expression and Dissent Policy. The University refused to set up an appeals committee for SLAP to appeal the length of the Tent City permit, which was granted at significantly shorter than both the two weeks asked for by SLAP, and the 30-day maximum as outlined in the Policy.

Friday, March 2- SLAP applies for a 14-night permit for Tent City, to be set up on the Waterman Green starting April 9th.

by Martine Burtis

Anyone who has ever been in a coffee shop knows its enticing and alternative academic ambiance: soft lighting, foreign beats, and coffee. As I sit and overhear the nearby debate about the literary genius of Dante, I cannot help but laugh at the history of these infamous brewed beans that made this conversation possible.

Legend has it that the coffee bean was first discovered in Ethiopia circa 800 AD. Apparently, a brilliant Homo sapien decided to taste the plant his goat was eating.

The man had seen the glorious effects the brown bean had on his prized ass and was pleasantly surprised at the similar uplifting outcome he experienced. And the rest is… relatively murky.

1. Buy a large truck, take it mudding
2. Join a frat, tell everyone you have a really large penis, pass out before you can use it
3. Loudly ask cashier at convenience store if they sell extra large magnum condoms
4. Buy a large gun and shoot things
5. Hit things

Thursday April 26, 6:30
John Dewey Lounge, Old Mill

The affirmative action and immigrant rights lawyer/activist Miranda Massie will be speaking about the current threats to Affirmative Action and the historic Brown v. Board of Education decision as it stands in 2007.

Miranda Massie served as part of the legal counsel in the case Grutt er v. Bollinger, The landmark Michigan Law School Affirmative Action case, helping to defend the value and necessity of diversity in higher education.

Created By Anya Brodrick, Torrey Valyou and Tommy Wheeler

This section deconstructs the styles of today. The tripartite nature of the section demonstrates the intersection of image-word-mathematics. Inspired by Joseph Kosuth.

A Day in the Life of Trav O’Connell:

12:34 pm: Wakes up late. Without fresh “pow” at Stowe, there is really no reason to even keep living, much less get up early. Recalls dream about “sicky gnar shralp session.”

1:04 pm: Eats remaining slices from last night’s Meat Lover’s pizza ordered from Leonardo’s as “sick- ass” snowboarding video is watched on Playstation 2. Section of video with “politically conscious rap song” in background and mad 1080’s gets re-winded and viewed for the fortieth time in two days.

1:47 pm: Puts on “chill” brimmed winter hat and does a 360 off front steps in an attempt to console snowboardless existence. Recalls “dope” snow days when hitting the slopes at 6 am even though the life doesn’t start until 7:30 am.

By Erin Sullivan

Oh the college years. While we are supposed to be preparing ourselves for life in the real world as responsible adults, it is also a time when the most insane and ridiculous events in our life occur, or at least, that’s how it is according to movies.

The film largely responsible for that portrayal of college, a film that has invaded college dorm rooms via the poster of John Belushi drinking whiskey in front of an American flag, is the 1978 film National Lampoon’s Animal House.

Part of the film’s longstanding success can be attributed to the fact that the writers were young recent college graduates themselves. Animal House was one of the first major films targeted at and focused on the lifestyle of young adults.

Aside from the fact that the plot is ridiculous and most viewers come away understanding that John Belushi likes to pound Jack Daniel’s while wearing a “COLLEGE” sweatshirt, the film is historically significant. Animal House was the first movie produced by The National Lampoon, a humor magazine that was extremely popular on college campuses. The film glorified the act of rebelling against adults and meaningless acts of debauchery while referencing the political atmosphere of the time.

This week’s winner: Dominic Venuti

“And I suppose you think that’s funny.”

Next week’s caption: “I always said that I’d do anything once.”

1. “What are you doing after school?” – Those happy few with jobs or grad school admission will flash subdued shit-eating grins and tell you all about it – even though it’s been “a harrowing process” – and the rest will reply (over a pitcher of PBR): “whatever,” “things will work themselves out,” or “I’m just trying to focus on school right now.”