Top Five Reasons On-Campus Roommates Get Into Fights:

Published April 17, 2007

1. Food Disputes— last night’s lone slice of Domino’s “Hawaiian” pizza gets eaten without agreement. Thus, an argument about who has spent more communal points ensues.
2. Sex- Related Problems— sexiles, walk-ins, sex-while-roommate-was-passed-out, sex-with-roommate’s-ex (I thought you were over it?), sex-in-the-shower-and-subsequent-use-of-roommate’s-Lever-soap-for-all-2000-parts.
3. Clothing Arguments— female roommate’s new “cute” pink tank top is found in a dirty heap on the floor; male roommate’s “dope” pink Polo shirt is found in a dirty heap on the floor.
4. Musical Confrontations— nobody likes hearing Gwen Stefani “Sweet Escape” dueling Robert Randolf’s guitar-picking on two sets of shitty, mac speakers.
5. Cleanliness Discrepancies— OCD use of Lysol antibacterial wipes leaves roommate B with a weakened immune system due to over-sanitation. Roommate B prefers to live in crusty, half-smoked-bowl-ridden squalor masked by dusty layer of nag champa residue.

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