Top Five Reasons Not to Read the Water Tower

Published May 1, 2007

1. By reading the paper, you are bolstering the egos of people who are already pretentious.
2. Prolonged reading of every issue will turn you into a narrow minded judgmental person who has no ability to think out side of pre-formed labels.
3. You will end up confused as one article will preach about the merits of diversity and another article within the same issue will box people into rigid social categories based off of what they look like.
4. You will be supporting underground media, which probably means that we’re either communists or terrorists.
5. If too many people read the paper and it becomes a big hit, a profit may be generated which will negatively contribute to our drug and alcohol problems.

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