My CatCard and I

Published May 8, 2007

By Kurt Weiss

I hate my CatCard. Early on in my freshman year, I realized its ability to put my academic career in jeopardy. It clearly identified me as a UVM student to a UVM Police Officer who wrote me up for allegedly urinating in a public water fountain somewhere on the campus green and while partaking in underage drinking.

So why then have I spent over $200 replacing the damned thing?

I lose my CatCard every semester break. I often lose it over Spring Break and Thanksgiving, and one time I even lost it over a three-day holiday (this can surely be attributed to more drinking).

If I’m not losing it, it’s breaking. My first card broke thanks to a recommendation by the fine people at the CatCard center that I punch a hole in it for a key ring. It wasn’t long before the corner snapped off and a crack began creeping across my semi-ridiculous picture.

I also hate the CatCard Center because they refuse to allow me to pose in any overtly goofy manner, so in order to subvert the system, I make subtle facial gestures to ensure a funny ID photo, i.e. leaving my mouth open, appearing utterly confused, and refusing to look directly into the camera no matter how many times they retake the shot.

Other CatCard disasters occurred due to my habit of keeping it tucked in my shoe when I went out at night— if it incriminated me again, my next offense would lead to tenured probation. And yet I needed the card to get into my dorm at the end of the night – usually after receiving no invitations to sleep in anyone else’s bed.

Regardless of the card’s inherent vulnerability and self-incrimination, the University has developed a fine catch-22 forcing me to have a CatCard on me at all times. If I want to eat, I need my CatCard. If I want access to my bed and all my worldly possessions, I need my CatCard. If I want to put Church Street purchases on my parents’ tab without evidence of their lack of educational value, I need my CatCard. Even Wednesday night’s participants of the Naked Bike Ride had to find a place to keep their cards…

I hate it. It’s fucking ridiculous. A week and a half ago I lost yet another card and was faced with the decision of braving my last two or three weeks sans CatCard, or shelling out another $20 to lose another card some time immediately after finishing my last final and begin yet another Fall semester wondering when I’ll get around to replacing it.

Damn you, CatCard. Where’d you guys go anyway? You are no longer next to the bookstore. I guess I’ll remain card-less until I work up the nerve to look dumb: a junior looking at the campus map as tours go by.

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