Serving You the News In Brief

Published September 10, 2007

By Max C. Bookman

“You have to work at it harder”

-Jack Menager, an 83 year old man, discussing sex in old age. He is one of the countless seniors asked to comment on a recent survey reporting that more than half of senior citizens have an active sex life. Kinda gross, but right on, grandpa!

“One unmistakable legacy of Vietnam is that the price of America’s withdrawal was paid by millions of innocent citizens”

- President George W. Bush, invoking memories of the bloody withdrawal from Vietnam, in a recent speech. That’s right, just compare your miserable war to another highly unpopular conflict that ended in failure. Great idea.

“This boggles the mind”

- Apple CEO Steve Jobs, marveling over the soon to be released iPod Touch, essentially an iPhone without all the phone stuff. Since the first iPod hit the streets in 2001, Apple’s music player has become a cultural phenomenon, with more and more dope features in each new installment. The Water Tower totally wants one.

“It’s a photo-op he does not need’”

- UVM Professor Garrison Nelson, interviewed by CNN to discuss why Vermont is the only state in the Union that George W. Bush has not visited as president. Nelson hypothesizes that Bush wouldn’t find one place in Vermont that would give him a positive reception. Mmm, duh?

“I am running for president of the United States”

- Law and Order star Fred Thompson, announcing Wednesday his intent to run for the Republican nomination. Thompson’s traditionally conservative stances on social issues may send gay rights-supporting Giuliani and flip-flopping Romney running for the hills. Maybe they should all just go away.

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