Come On, It’s Just a Door

Published September 24, 2007

By Alex Townsend

I hold doors open for people every day. It’s common courtesy and at this point it feels like it’s been embedded in my DNA. It’s not really something I mind doing, but I do appreciate it when other people return the favor. Yes, even men.

I consider myself a feminist and am proud to do so. I like to be independent and determined and take every opportunity to make myself a more accomplished person. I get angry when I think of situations when a woman has been wrong just because of her sex.

But really? Holding doors open? That’s not chivalry. That’s not trying to keep weak little women in their place. Back in the day chivalry meant fighting battles in a woman’s name, honoring and respecting her, and maybe getting your coat dirty when you used it to help her get across a muddy puddle. You can argue back and forth on how much chivalry kept women down, but what’s important is that’s not what’s really going on today.

Holding a door open for another person is a common courtesy. I think that’s generally accepted. Sometimes men open a door when a woman is approaching and she’s kind of far away. That might be annoying, to both parties in fact, but no man is doing that and thinking “Excellent, my levels of manliness have gone up five points. Now this fragile woman will be forever indebted to me.”

Why are all little pieces of day-to-day life in need of change in order for the sexes to be equal? Sure, many women have had to work many years to recognize and start to change sexist ideas in a lot of basic aspects of life, but there’s a point where it gets ridiculous. Must men be reduced to carefully eyeballing the distance between a woman and a door every time he wants to be polite just so he doesn’t get labeled as sexist?

And then there’re other things: guys paying for a girl’s meal, letting women cut in front of them in line, and of
course what side of the sidewalk they walk on when with a girl. That last one really gets me. Come on, it’s a sidewalk. I don’t care what the hell side I walk on when I’m hanging out with a guy and I doubt he does either. Do I have to be in a constant state of alert to make sure I don’t walk on the ‘women’s side’?

Examples like these aren’t what feminists should be arguing about. Yes, they may be unconscious decisions that guys make based on old-fashioned gender roles, but they’re not the big issue. As a woman I want to be able to get the best education I can, having a fulfilling career, and just generally have a well-used life without any of it being hindered by an extra X chromosome. Women (and men!) are fighting for better gender equality every day, I think that the small, old-fashioned ideas are a reflection of how much still needs to be done, but will disappear as more and more progress is made.

Does it still bother the female readers though? Sure, any gender inequality, no matter how small, can be angering, but don’t just get mad at men about it. You can step up too! Hold a door open and completely ignore if they’re a woman or man, let someone cut in front of you just because you’re feeling generous, and as for sidewalks: you can spin around in circles on them, maybe giving someone a reason to laugh and feel better about their day.

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