Girls, Guys, and the Walk of Shame

Published September 24, 2007

By Hannah Weiss

It’s autumn in Burlington, and as of yet we really can’t ask for better weather. Yes, it has rained some, but it’s still perfect for biking, running, walking home at 9 o’clock in the morning from someone else’s bed. Or, if you’re like me, walking home at 5:30 in the morning in a torrential downpour…but we’ll get back to that later.

The walk of shame is a college experience that most will eventually encounter; if not, maybe you’re being a little too picky, we can only get away with this kind of behavior for so long. Either way, it is a walk that very few of us actually enjoy. Worst case scenario: you’re hung over, look like complete shit, and have no other shoes but your stilettos. Even worse: running in to someone you know while en route.

Granted, it’s not as bad having to do this while living on campus, since there are very few people on the green at this hour, but for those of us free from RA’s, attention is almost impossible to avoid. Think about it, we’re in Burlington, the majority of the people don’t even have the word stiletto in their vocabulary, let alone a pair of them walking in front of their house or past their car on a Saturday morning. But let’s confront this issue as the adults we are, and think about how we wound up with our heads hung low on College Ave.

Friday night, or Thursday, whichever you prefer, you get dressed according to destination: house party = jeans, a cute top, flip-flops; downtown: jeans, really, really cute top, and heels depending on your height. For the taller ones, like myself, let’s just equate heels to a pair of not so comfortable shoes. Since we’re going with the worst case scenario, you go downtown with a plan: find a guy or guys to buy you drinks and keep ‘em coming. Why is this the worst case scenario? Oh you know why..

One Jagger bomb turns into a redbull and vodka which turns into a round of soco and lime shots, and before you know it, you’re feet really don’t hurt at all! Thank god, since you have an uphill walk ahead of you. But it doesn’t look like you’re going home with the same crowd you came with; you appear to be walking with just one other person, of the opposite sex. It’s the least you could do, I mean, he did buy you drinks all night…was this planned all along?

Things are a little fuzzy, no pun intended, but to wrap things up you go to one of your houses. I’ve come to find that the majority of the time, the girl winds up at the guy’s house. How nice of them to lend us an open invitation. Well, you get there, yada yada yada, and before you know it, you’re laying in a comforter that is definitely not yours, and there is someone laying next to you that you may or may not know very well — let’s go with, not very well — and the sun is out.

Oh shit. You try to go back to sleep, the longer your eyes are closed, the longer you can avoid confrontation.

But, he eventually gets up to go to the bathroom. Nice. You spring up and start looking for your clothes, which somehow made it to every corner of the room, as well as find a mirror. Oh god, a mirror. So how do you respond? Well, case one: “I don’t look that bad, I mean, I wouldn’t be that upset waking up next to me.” Case two: “Ugh, well it could be worse…at least I can put my hair up.” And Case three: “Oh my god, I look like shit.”

So he comes back, you get your stuff together, say you’ll talk to each other later, and you make your way home, in the bright light of morning, praying that maybe your house isn’t as far as you thought it was. But, to make matters worse, you’re no longer drunk so the feet that didn’t hurt at all last night kill, and you realize you forgot something at his place. Do you really need it that badly? At least you got home, you’ll think about it after you wake up from passing out for the second time.

Now, this is based on a girl going over to the guy’s place. What happens when it’s the other way around? Well, if he decides to stay the night, he ends up leaving a lot earlier than we would have, and really, there is no walk of shame. He looks like he’s wearing the same thing he would have worn any other day of the week. How is he viewed by passers-by? “Nice boy, out for a morning stroll.” Give me a break! Really, does he even stay the night that frequently?

The walk of shame does not exist for guys, because they really have very little to be ashamed of. “Oh man, his shirt his wrinkled…that’s gotta suck.” I’m not resentful towards guys for this…I’m too much of a baby and in too much of a hurry to say peace out that I rarely ask for a ride home. But, does that mean it shouldn’t be offered? Maybe I’ve been hanging out with the wrong guys. But guys, logically, you’re better off staying over at the girl’s place. At home, she can fix herself up in the morning and may even be confident and refreshed enough to yada yada yada again…maybe.

While the walk of shame is mostly one sided, it is possible to blame ourselves. How often have you offered the guy to come back to your place? And why not? Maybe subconsciously we know it’s a bad idea; maybe we just don’t want this particular guy in our beds; or maybe he lives closer, you’re drunk, and the most appealing thing is a bed, period.

As for me and the torrential rain? Don’t worry about it.

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