I’ll Get My Own Damn Door

Published September 24, 2007

By Lauren Foley

It’s a common occurrence on campus: people hold doors for each other. For some, this is the ultimate act of courtesy and manners. For those in the minority, this act is not seen as courageously courteous, it’s seen as a little bit obnoxious.

Of course, when people are walking two steps in front of me and they push the door open for me as they walk through, I appreciate it. That is common courtesy expected of most people. No one wants a door slammed in their face. The door holding that I am talking about is the type in which a male sees me approaching from 30 yards away. He always waits, holds the door, and watches me, obviously listening until I squeak out the prerequisite “Thank you,” before he relinquishes the door, strutting off to his next class, sure that he has left another poor, helpless female utterly and eternally grateful. Sound familiar? This is what I would consider a chivalrous gesture. In the middle ages, chivalry was a list of qualifications for knights. Men who wanted to be knighted were required to be courteous, generous, and valiant to women. Women were seen as delicate and somewhat incompetent. They were often viewed as requiring special attention and care. In today’s society, I do not want to be considered incompetent just because I am a girl. Even though chivalry was traditionally a way of looking out and protecting women, I no longer believe it to be relevant. Despite the fact that chivalry hit its peak hundreds of years ago, it’s still common to see chivalry in action, even on UVM’s campus.

During the day, guys often give up their seats on the CATS shuttle in favor of women not having to stand up for their entire bus ride to class. Even though those seated have the unfortunate experience of being eye level with the standers’ crotches, it nevertheless is a gesture very much appreciated by most. At the Marche, guys offer up their catcard at checkout, happy to pay for their female friend’s $5.99 macaroni and cheese plate. Walking to class, males tend to walk on the outside of the sidewalk, and females on the inside, sheltered from all the big, bad cars. It’s also common for guys to let girls cut in line at the Cyber Café printing station, or the water fountain in Lafayette, something they probably wouldn’t
do for another male. And of course, there is that damn door. At least two or three times a day, men hold the door open for me and I have to admit, I have mixed feelings about it. There are times when I am weighed down with books, coffee, and other miscellaneous items and I am extremely grateful for those opened doors. There are other times, however, when I am perfectly capable of getting my own door (even heavy doors such as at Waterman) and the well-meaning gesture results not only in making me feel belittled and inadequate, it is also adept at pissing me off.

Many of the women I have met at UVM are some of the most independent, assertive, strong women I have ever
beheld. They are capable, competent, and intelligent. I’m sure that most of the male UVM population would agree with me. Why, then, do some men believe that all women appreciate the doors at Waterman being held for them when they’re still walking on the crosswalk?

I understand that many men at UVM don’t realize that by opening a door for a woman in a grand fashion may result
in belittlement on their part. Their confusion, however, is understandable. Some women relish in the attention they receive when doors are opened for them. They see it as a simple act of kindness. I respect those women’s opinions. As someone in the minority, though, I would like to propose that people should open doors only to others that are within a
five-step or less proximity. This small step will save countless women’s dignity without sacrificing courtesy, not to men
tion banish that awkward 10 second interval of holding the door open for someone 30 yards away.

Courtesy is fabulous and very much appreciated, but what I would really like to see, is a man secure enough in his masculinity to let his girlfriend buy him lunch at the Waterman Café, to feel secure walking on the inside of the sidewalk, and perfectly fine hogging a big seat on Redstone Express. Acts of chivalry are undoubtedly done by well meaning individuals, but chivalry is outdated and until it is officially a thing of the past, I can get my own damn door.

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