Tri-Factor: The Sorority Chick

Published September 24, 2007
One Comment (at bottom of article)

Sorority GirlCreated By WT Editorial Staff

This section deconstructs the styles of today. The tripartite nature of the section demonstrates the intersection of image-word-mathematics.

A Day in the Life of Kingsley NewManey:

9:58 am: wakes up to Kelly Clarkson’s “ Since U Been Gone” on bedazzled pink radio alarm, slight hangover present from 2 cosmos with the girls

10:18 am: straightens hair, intense pigtail session with the lil’ sis

11:23 am: picks at massive bacon salad prepared by in house chef, discussion over tastefully slutty outfits for formal in the Davis Center Grand Ball

12:24pm: casually pick out outfit for downtown stroll, re-organize contents of new “like totally cute” wallet

1:51 pm: ‘bucks run, grande double extra mocha skim latte with cinnamon, 6 packets of equal is like so needed right now!

2:34 pm: makes scene in Monelle as platnum credit card is denied, speeds away in black Land Rover, laments annoying PMS

3:35 pm: bitches to Daddy

3:38 pm: group huddle = 100% Fun!

4:26 pm - 7:02pm: discuss potential bids with the girls, reject 2 off the bat–that’ll teach them to never flirt with Zachy Poo again.

Equation8:11 pm: Awesome Appletinis!

9:12 pm: PG Cuddle session with Zachy Poo

10:50 pm: ignores 20 “wats good 2nite?” texts from sketchy Econ classmate

10:59 pm: “totally not tipsy enough,” stops by frat next door en route to RJ’s, readjusts cleavage to obtain optimal free drink levels from horny frat bros

11:45 pm: spots sister Melissa near front of RJ’s line, clumsily steps over velvet rope with 10 bff’s. Rachel “Real Women Have Curves” Smith shoots withering glance in the direction of snide remarks from back of line

12:55 am: free drink donors exhausted at RJ’s, debates getting grind on at ‘Sputi’s or giving in to Zachy Poo’s desperate pleas to “go watch a movie” back at the house

2:12 am: leaves ‘Sputi’s after her song Don’t Cha by Pussycat Dolls fades out

2:31 am: PG-13 cuddle sesh with Zachy Poo ends abruptly amid heartfelt sobs from “that scene” in “ The Notebook.” Zachy Poo returns to frat deflated. Literally.



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Comments

One Response to “Tri-Factor: The Sorority Chick”

  1. Frat Boy Grad Number 1 on September 27th, 2007 3:59 pm

    Sounds like a pretty good deal to me. Hey its college, not the real world. If you can’t play by the real world’s rules yet; may as well live it up in a college fantasy…just have to be sure to finish up in 4…

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