Coffee, Tea, Judgment of Me?

Published October 1, 2007

By Lauren Foley

I’m curious how something as simple as a cup of morning coffee has had the ability to evolve into something so complicated, calculated, and political. All of the coffee on campus is fair trade, of course, so we’re not talking about environmental or ethical politics. What I’m talking about are personal politics.

What does your coffee (or other hot beverage of choice) say about you? After a rigorous investigation involving an enormous consumption of caffeine, hot chocolate, and apple cider, I have concluded that coffee has the potential to incite divisive conflict among many students.
First of all, there is your hot beverage selection. Are you a black coffee sort of person, quick to get in and out without that pesky milk and sugar station? Or are you more of an all-natural tea with a dash of honey? What some people don’t realize is that when we get coffee, we unconsciously reveal ourselves and our beverage of choice is open to various interpretations and judgments.

Depending on how long the line is, requests for anything other than coffee may sometimes result in rolled eyes or impatient sighs. Often, I find myself annoyed when the line stalls as the staff at the Cyber Café is flooded with copious hot chocolate orders.

Then, of course, there is that well advertised “green” travel mug. In a place where you are slightly looked down upon for not having a refillable mug, I like to speculate on the possible social implications that may arise as a result of this predicament. Will friendships cease to exist due to refusal to purchase a “Be Green” mug? It seems possible.

There’s also the issue of whether judgment will be placed on those who turn their nose at a fresh cup of hot apple cider in favor of Speeder and Earl’s finest. In Vermont, it is almost a sin not to enjoy certain seasonal specialties. Our former Cook Commons (RIP) used to offer piping hot and fresh apple cider. Though non-caffeinated, it was a fall-time favorite, causing coffee to take a temporary back seat.

The way some New Englanders react when a dislike of the elusive cider is expressed, you would think there is such thing as apple orchard treason, punishable by half a day in the stocks. I mean I enjoy apples but frankly, cider doesn’t do it for me like coffee does. Sorry to break it to you, apple loyalists.

Another thing I’m worried about is whether disputes will break out over the monopolization of the milk & sugar station as temperatures drop with the onset of the fall season. There are times at Alice’s or The Cyber Café where my experience at the milk/sugar counter is better described as trying to get closer to the stage at a hard core rock show complete with crowd surfing.

Over the semesters, I have learned to tear open more than one sugar packet at once while simultaneously adding half and half, thus completing my coffee accessory stop in under 15 seconds. Though not an easy task, I would strongly recommend these skills be acquired at some point so you don’t lose a finger next time you reach for the Splenda.

As the cold Canadian air rolls in and foliage season wears on, we can expect increasing injuries and occurrences of these coffee-related crimes. Next time you march over to the Marche to enjoy a cup of Green Mountain splendor, be aware and be weary. Judgment lurks around every corner.

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