Serving You The News In Brief

Published October 9, 2007

Compiled By Max C. Bookman

“Childrens do learn.”

-President George W. Bush, addressing a group of New York City schoolchildren last week. This most recent grammatical embarrassment came as the president urged Congress to reauthorize his signature education policy, the No Child Left Behind Act. “Childrens” may be learning, Mr. President, but you surely have not.

“Do you really believe Republicans don’t want to help poor, low-income children?”

-Senator Trent Lott, offering his position in the political firefight over Bush’s veto of a bill that would provide healthcare for low-income children. Some Republicans supported the veto, claiming that the $60 billion price tag was too steep. At more than $2 billion per week in Iraq, perhaps the senator should reevaluate his question.

“Britney has her whole life ahead of her. She still has time to change.”

-Internet celebrity Chris Crocker, the weird “Leave Britney Alone” guy, on the recent court order mandating that Britney Spears give up custody of her two children until further notice. The order has been the latest episode in a string of headlines regarding the pop singer’s spiral downward that was highlighted by her train wreck performance at the MTV Video Music Awards.

“I am sick and tired of being called a racist.”

-An angry resident of Carpentersville, Illinois, in a fiery town meeting on a new resolution declaring English as the official language of the town whose population is 40% Hispanic. Supporters of the resolution scoff at charges of racism, claiming that it addresses the serious issue of illegal immigration. Problem is, most Hispanics in the town are legal residents.

“He clearly had had WMD.”

-Republican presidential hopeful Fred Thompson, claiming that Saddam Hussein clearly had weapons of mass destruction prior to the invasion of Iraq. Apparently, the extensive reports from every agency involved in Iraq declaring that absolutely no such weapons could be found were not clear enough for the ex-actor.

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