Grand Slams and Manbearpigs

Published October 16, 2007

By Charles Winkleman

Former Vice-president Al Gore received the Nobel Peace Prize last week — surprisingly, not for inventing the Internet. This man has truly achieved the American Dream. Vice-President, Oscar-winner, Emmy-winner and now a Nobel Peace Prize; it’s what I like to call the “Ultimate Grand Slam.” Gore joins a pantheon of presidential Nobel Peace Prize winners: Theodore Roosevelt, Woodrow Wilson, Jimmy Carter, and Martin Sheen (wink-wink).

He beat out 180 other nominees, including the Bolivian President and Oprah Winfrey. It seems Oprah’s Book Club was no match for Mr. Gore, but why would the Nobel Committee really give it to him?

Many people, like me, were confused by Gore’s nomination and subsequent win. The Norwegian Nobel Committee issued this statement to defend Gore’s nomination. “A prerequisite for winning the Nobel Peace Prize is making a difference, and Al Gore has made a difference.”

How has Gore made a difference?

Upon accepting the award in front of a cheering crowd, Al Gore rallied his troops. He began his acceptance speech with the hope that his award would bring a “greater awareness and a sense of urgency”…on the issue of “Manbearpig.” After realizing that the audience was utterly confused, he continued “half man, half bear, half pig; I’m super serial.” As the audience began to roar with laughter, Gore angrily shrieked “Why won’t anybody listen to me?! ManBearPig is in there and we have to kill him while we all have the chance! I’m serial!?” Gore was quickly ushered off the stage.

There is a growing theory that Gore will use this increased fame to support a presidential run. But for Gore, it’s back down to business. He continues to work hard to inform the public of this urgent issue, and he has donated his share of the $1.5 million prize to the Alliance for Manbearpig Protection.

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