Lying Liars and the Lies We Tell

Published October 23, 2007

By Nate Bradbury

Do you ever watch House M.D. on Fox? If you do, then you know that there is one overwhelming truth in medicine and in life – everybody lies.

I remember distinctly youthful lessons on the importance of always telling the truth. This is partially because I had an early predilection to bend the truth to fit my convenience. However, I’m not sure if my parents knew that or if they were only performing their perceived parental duties.

Despite their best efforts, those lessons never took root in my mind. I still wait for everyone to be served before I eat, I put a napkin in my lap, and I hold my spoon gingerly between my index finger, middle finger, and thumb because mom and/or dad “said to”. But lying is different because of one simple thing: I knew THEY were allowed to lie.

George Washington, his axe, and the apple tree are iconic bits of American folklore that are meant to impart the value of telling the truth, at any cost, to American children. Yet, every year at Thanksgiving we politely chew Aunt Myrtle’s bone-dry cornbread without comment and overlook cousin Geoff’s 10 a.m. martini. One scant month later, families gather for Christmas and we (as young gift recipients) are reminded, “it’s the thought that counts.” Uncle Jamison may have gotten that XXL Patriots t-shirt in a 3-for-1 motor oil promotion but you had to wear it until he went home even though its hem scraped the ground.
It quickly became obvious to me that lies were complicated. Lying, in general, is bad but some lies can be good or even necessary, right? How was I supposed to navigate a maze like that?

To put it simply, I didn’t. I lied about everything. I lied about things that I didn’t need to lie about. I made up books to write book reports about, I told everyone I knew that I could ride a bike (but really couldn’t), and I always felt like a stranger at family functions but I smiled and made nice. Certainly, the first two of those are lies but what about the third?
That’s the thing about not telling the truth. Who judges good lies or bad lies? Does it matter?

At this point, I would say that it does matter but only because lying is a pivotal part of everyday life. Take relationships, for example. Can you imagine convincing anyone to date you without lying or shading the truth?

Meeting a girl is like going to a job interview. It’s nerve-wracking. I understand why girls get fed up with boys. We stammer, stutter, and trip all over ourselves because when it comes down to it we don’t think we have anything interesting to say. Really, I get it, we’re awkward, but it’s tough not to be. I’m not willing to trust my “truths” to someone I just met, so I lie. I don’t want to talk about my relationship skills or my relationship with my dad – again, I lie.

To some, those are big, important lies that can ruin a relationship. For me, it’s how I get by. However, the lying never stops there. What about that “slimming” jacket that hides your love handles or those jeans that make your butt look good? Are those lies too? How about telling your partner that those extra pounds aren’t noticeable or that their bald spot blends right in?

Through all of these lies, I’ve learned some important concepts. Lying is difficult; every lie has its own thread that attaches to you. If you don’t want to get caught lying, then you have to remember what you said and to whom. This process creates a web that has to be navigated carefully.

Most importantly, I’ve learned that it’s hard to start telling the truth once you are a liar. Where does one start? I have a hard time deciding whom I can trust with the truth because I didn’t used to trust anyone with it. My lying habit also makes me wary. I assume that everyone lies because it makes it easier to handle when they do.

Maybe that’s why I like Dr. House. He lives by the mantra “everybody lies” and it seems to serve him well. I’d like to think that everyone has people they don’t have to lie to. However, I’m always struck by the fact that a lot of people don’t want to know the truth. They like the lies better than the truths. In the end, I still don’t know what to think or do about lying’s role in my life.

It’s possible that everybody doesn’t lie but I think we all pick our own truths.

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