Tri-Factor: Halloween Partiers

Published October 30, 2007

trifactor1.gifCreated By Anya Brodrick
Illustration by Torrey Valyou

This section deconstructs the styles of today. The tripartite nature of the section demonstrates the intersection of image-word-mathematics.

A Halloween Night In the Lives of
Allie Smith & Josh Murphy

Allie Smith:

8:31 am: Wakes up for class, looks over costume one more time before catching the bus.

11:58 am: Impatiently fidgets in boring Poli-Sci lecture. Begins intense text convo on why classes should be canceled the Friday of Halloween weekend.

12:07 pm: Spots friend Jake at Cook Commons. Shared lamenting about how “Cook completely blows now” ensues.

4:30 pm: Races out of class to get costume ready! Takes approximately 2 hours to straighten hair, place habit just so, apply heavy make-up, adjust and re-adjust tights/booty shorts combo, get rosary beads to hang in perfect spot in cleavage.

6:55 pm: Decides to head over to Simpson Store (needs red bull for a chaser) while in costume. Gets many shouts & whistles, decides to go for just a little more cleavage (rationalizes it’ll be darker later & harder to see).

Allie’s Equation

7:58 pm: Sufficient pre-gaming in dorms complete. Even though it’s early, hops on off-campus bus. Shoots dirty look at another girl with same costume. Loudly whispers to a friend: “Oh my God, she totally stole my idea.” No idea where any parties are, but can latch onto any large group with people dressed up.

11:15 pm: Arrives at slammin’ house party. already super wasted (decided only to eat the fun-size bags of sweet-tarts), but signs up for pong anyways and grabs some jungle juice.

12:04 am: Her turn for pong, sees opponent is totally cute. Decides perfect pick up line will be “don’t you have any sins to confess?”

1:33 am: Burlington 5-0 arrive. Loses Mario amidst ensuing chaos. It’s raining outside and makeup is running. Walks to Redstone for some post-game chilling at Britney’s dorm.

3:00 am: Pukes. Tequilla and sweet-tarts were a bad decision. Washes mouth out with water and leaves bathroom. Spots Mario from the party! Oh Hell, why not.

Josh Murphy:Josh’s Equation8:31 am: Alarm clock has been ringing for 10 minutes. Barely wakes up to shut it off. Totally not going to 9:05 class on a Friday. 11:58 am: Sleep is interrupted by sound of roommate ripping bongs. “Dude, it’s Halloween tonight, remember?” Shit. Needs a costume. 12:07 pm: Borrows sweet Mario costume from floor-mate who is “so beyond dressing up for Halloween.”

4:30 pm: Stuffs face with fun-size candy bars and beers while musing with roommate about how great it’ll be that almost every girl will have their ass hanging out.

6:55 pm: Craving a Simpson Store sub, sees SO MANY BABES in slutty costumes. Can’t help but think how great college is.

7:58 pm: Decides to walk downtown to see if he can chat up any bunnies, naughty girl-scouts, German bar-maids…is unsuccessful, but sees an array of potential parties. Siiick.

11:15 pm: Can’t believe how many small costumes are around (even though it’s about 30 degrees out). Hits up loud party with friends. Upset that girls are finding Mario costume “cute, but not hot,” signs up for pong.

12:04 am: Gets up to the ‘ruit table and sees a totally hot and wasted nun. Quickly beats her…drunken Halloween hook-up #73,286 of the evening.

1:33 am: Loses hot nun in the rain. Catches drunk bus back to campus with other wet pimps, cowgirls, angels, and Ghostbusters.

3:00 am: Wasted. Back in regular clothes, enters hallway to go take a monster piss. Sees wet nun leaving the ladies room, remembers her offer from before to confess sins. Suggests confessional goes down in his room. She eagerly agrees. Happy Halloween!



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