By Max C. Bookman

Circus (noun) - A traveling company of entertainers, especially wild animals and clowns, that regularly performs before a bewildered audience. Example: Johnny is sick and tired of this 2008 election circus. If they stage one more debate, he’s going to throw up.

November may mean first snow, Thanksgiving break, and Christmas shopping to you, but for politicians and political junkies, the coming of November means one thing: Election Day!

This month, voters from across America will come out and vote for their favorite candidate for President of the United States. After more than a year of campaigning, the time has come. Finally, we will all get the answer to the question that has been on the minds of every American: Is J-Lo really pregnant? Well, besides that, we’ll find out who will become the next president!

By Simon Hall

When does national pride become national arrogance? Pretty often when you think about it. The whole I’m better than you, look at my flag and muscles, they’re a lot better than your flag and muscles- mentality only serves to divide people up into ever increasing categories of pig-headedness. It creates contrived differences where no differences previously existed. Everyone ends up hating people they have never met because they don’t speak English or because they speak French (damn them to the fires of Hades).

Patriotism only serves to inflate egos and deflate our independence. The word is synonymous with Nationalism, which in itself is synonymous with Nation-Based-Bigotry. Follow the Red White and Blue over the precipice into the abyss of hive-mind, don’t ask questions, everything will be OK. But what is there to gain? Loyalty to a nation means you’re loyal to a hypothetical concept that exists only on paper and (admittedly) in the munitions of those who follow those pieces of paper.

Stephen Colbert

Everybody’s favorite comedian tries running for president in South Carolina. GOP is too expensive and Dems say no way. And that’s tonight’s word.

Halloweek
Old: Dress up, eat candy, wait till next year.
New: Double-weekend drunkfest. Frightening.

Lambda Iota
Rufie frat taken down by The Man, but we already knew they were shady bastards. Maybe new tenant will clean up that house.

By Max C. Bookman

“None of us accept … this whole drama about emergency.”

-Pakistani opposition Imran Khan, regarding President Musharraf’s declaration of a state of emergency on Saturday. Our “number one” ally in the war on terror has suspended the constitution, removed the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, and shut down a popular television station, making the publication of dissenting opinions punishable with jail time. Watch Bush wiggle his way out of this one.

Beardvember is a hallowed and respected tradition among college undergrads. It’s easy to play along. Simply refrain from shaving your face for the entire month of November (ladies, don’t worry, Legcember is coming soon).

At the end of the month, send in a picture of your beard for a chance to win The Water Tower Beardvember Competition. We’ll pick winners for the following categories and put your picture in the paper. So drop the Mach 3 and let it grow, baby! Read on for contest details…

By Alex Pinto

Do a Youtube search for “presidential debate” and you’ll be surprised to see which candidate rises to the top. Seven of the first 20 search results specifically feature one candidate. Of the other 13, there are no repeat appearances, and they all seem to bathe their respective candidates in a positive, even devoted light.

Who is this man claiming the internet video spotlight? It’s Republican nominee Ron Paul. Okay, he’s popular. But why does the third place Republican candidate have more internet buzz than Mitt, Rudy, Hillary, and Barack combined?

By Lea McLellan

I was running down the street, flipping through songs on my MP3 when I tripped on (what I assume) was an uneven sidewalk. I didn’t slip and recover. This was no stumble; I seriously wiped out. I skinned my hands, my knees, one elbow, and I’m starting to think I bruised my rib. I wanted to sit on the sidewalk, check for blood, and maybe cry a little. Unfortunately, there were at least ten witnesses to my fall and I didn’t want to risk people asking me if I was okay. I didn’t know what else to do, so Isort of awkwardly laughed, got up, and kept running.

It is definitely a surprising thing to be running one second and sprawled out on the pavement the next, but the fact that I had fallen was not surprising to me whatsoever. It seems like I’m always doing embarrassing things. The other day in Williams, I walked out of the women’s bathroom directly across the hall into the men’s bathroom. Luckily there wasn’t anyone in there, but still, I feel like these types of embarrassing moments should have been left behind in middle school.

By Eric Hoke

There is a lot to love about the South: warm weather, barbeques involving entire animals, smoking inside bars and restaurants. These perks were the impetus my friends needed to stage an intervention over my unfair, stereotypical ideas about Southerners.

After all, they were right. No matter how many people down here tell me that the Civil War was actually the “war of northern aggression,” I have no right to categorically write off the South. After all, one of these friends is a native of Richmond, another Roanoke, and the last Kuwait (but she’s actually quite fond of the South).

Created By Anya Brodrick, Illustration by Alexander Whitehead

This section deconstructs the styles of today. The tripartite nature of the section demonstrates the intersection of image-word-mathematics.

A Day in the Life of: Chad O’Toole

12:30 am: Can’t believe they fucking won!!!!! Lights firecrackers in streets, whopping loudly down Church Street, reminding people who have no idea what is going on that yes, we won.

9:00 am: Goes to class in full Red Sox regalia (hat, shirt, sweatshirt, banner). Randomly rejoices with anyone who is seen wearing said clothing: high fives, boisterous shouts, and a grin that lasts all day.

10:15 am: Stops outside to do infamous Papelbon jig. A crowd of fans assemble and before you know it, ten fans are dancing in circles; someone gets a hold of iPod speakers and Dropkick Murphys begin reverberating against the library walls. Bitter Yankees fans scowl across from the Davis Center. Mets fans cry.

By Joshua Applebaum

“Is this heaven?”

“No, it’s Massachusetts.”

I hate to break it to you, Ray Kinsella, but your ghost-channeling Iowa Field of Dreams has been dwarfed in sport divinity by the home state of a 37-foot-tall Green Monster. Beside the epicenter of Red Sox Nation, at 100 Legends Way, the New Garden is incubating the glorious rebirth of ultimate Celtics Pride.