Tri-Factor: The Masshole
Published November 6, 2007
Created By Anya Brodrick, Illustration by Alexander Whitehead
This section deconstructs the styles of today. The tripartite nature of the section demonstrates the intersection of image-word-mathematics.
A Day in the Life of: Chad O’Toole
12:30 am: Can’t believe they fucking won!!!!! Lights firecrackers in streets, whopping loudly down Church Street, reminding people who have no idea what is going on that yes, we won.
9:00 am: Goes to class in full Red Sox regalia (hat, shirt, sweatshirt, banner). Randomly rejoices with anyone who is seen wearing said clothing: high fives, boisterous shouts, and a grin that lasts all day.
10:15 am: Stops outside to do infamous Papelbon jig. A crowd of fans assemble and before you know it, ten fans are dancing in circles; someone gets a hold of iPod speakers and Dropkick Murphys begin reverberating against the library walls. Bitter Yankees fans scowl across from the Davis Center. Mets fans cry.
11:22 am: Even though he’s insanely excited that they’ve won, he feels a sense of sadness that there will be no more games to watch and no more hours in front of the TV (with beers) avoiding homework. But wait - there’re still the Pats and Celts!
12:00 pm: Runs into an old buddy from home. Plans to carpool home to Waltham next weekend. Talks about maybe stopping by Fenway, just to check out the hallowed ground.
12:15 pm: Opens special savings account just for spring training 2008. It’s going to be about 2,000 bucks (excluding flight), but the free “Beat NY” t-shirt, VIP access to batting practice, three games versus the Yanks, and VIP ballpark tour totally outweigh the costs. Highlight of the year.
2:28 pm: Stops by Cook Commons for some lunch. Clam chowder is very disappointing.
2:30 pm: Gets in a heated argument with classmate about the fate of Yankee Stadium. He contends that they might as well have knocked it down after 2000, but friend respects the years of baseball history that happened there. Both finally agree that it doesn’t even matter if they build a new one, Fenway will always be better.
4:00 pm: Flips on the TV, can’t find any more World Series highlights, so settles for a little Patriots action. It’s great to be a New England sports fan.
4:56 pm: Decides football isn’t quite as awesome as baseball (well, just the Sox) and decides to call girlfriend Molly at UMass. Listens to “I’m Shipping off to Boston” ringback tone in its entirety before call goes to voicemail.
6:36 pm: Opens a Sam Adams Octoberfest and checks Facebook. Molly looks so hot in her vacation pics from Cape Cod. Nauset Beach is the shit.
10:55 pm: Curls up under official Sox blanket and goes to sleep dreaming of Ft. Myers in March and the reality that he will be watching them train to take another World Series…
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