Serving You The News in Brief

Published November 27, 2007

By Max C. Bookman

“Morally, you are Pygmies.”

-Representative Tom Lantos (D-California) to Yahoo CEO Jerry Yang during a three-hour Capitol Hill ass-kicking fest last week. Lantos reprimanded Yahoo for providing information to the Chinese government that lead to the arrest of Shi Tao, a Chinese citizen nabbed for sending an e-mail noting the anniversary of the Tiananmen Square massacre. Pygmies immediately created a Yahoo group to protest the comparison.

“That’s really beyond our control.”

-Country singer Billy Ray Cyrus, father of teen icon Hannah Montana, on the lawsuit surrounding his daughter. A consortium of angry mothers have sued the Hannah Montana fan club, alleging that the club deceived them into joining on the basis that they’d have a better chance in buying tickets for her upcoming concert tour. The tickets sold out. So not cool.

“Do you want marijuana with that?”

-Haverhill Police Sergeant John Arahovites, quoting a McDonald’s drive-thru employee who was arrested in a sting operation for selling ganja to customers. Cops seized $57 and six bags. Then they got wicked stoned and hooked it up with some McMunchies.

“Justice needs to take place.”

-Disbarred Saudi lawyer Abdulrahman al-Lahim, regarding the sentencing of his 19-year-old client to six months in prison and 200 lashes for meeting in a car with a male friend in public. The court was unsympathetic to the fact that she and her friend were gang-raped and beaten by an angry mob that witnessed the two trading photos in a parked car.

“What Would Jesus Buy?”

-Title of Bill Talen’s new film that rages against the hyper-consumerism that is now associated with Christmas. This next installment, from the guy who brought us Super Size Me, has received support from both the far right and left for it’s decrying the cheapening of the holiday season. Buy it for a loved one this holiday season at any fine retail store near you!

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