By Max Bookman

In a recent email to the student body, President Fogel addressed the Vermont Marriage Advisory Council’s renting of Davis Center facilities on Saturday to host a forum where their message against gay marriage would be espoused.

VMAC’s website ( vtmarriage.org), adorned with what appear to be photos from a 1979 JCPenney catalogue, innocently claims that the organization wishes to facilitate the debate on gay marriage in Vermont.

But it’s clear that VMAC members aren’t rushing home to catch The L Word or LOGO.

Alex Townsend regrets to inform you that she (yes, she’s a girl) will not be writing anything for your amusement at this time, in a show of solidarity with the Writers’ Guild of America (WGA) and their current strike. She also expresses her regret that she must show her solidarity at this particular time because she had wonderful ideas planned for all the articles she would have been writing, several of them involving the relationships between dentists and fresh-water trout.

Sadly, no one shall be able to read these articles now, including the members of the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers (AMPTP), to whom Miss Townsend would like to be quoted as saying, “Neener, neener, neener.”

By Max C. Bookman

The Primary Primaries

“Freedom requires religion.”

-Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney in a December speech that defended his Mormon religious affiliation. The address was intended to parallel JFK’s 1960 speech on Catholicism and politics, but the former Massachusetts governor is no John Kennedy. And what’s up with freedom requires religion? Verdict: Nice try, Mitt.

“There is nothing false about hope.”

- Barack Obama, speaking to a dismayed crowd of supporters following last week’s New Hampshire primary. While the Illinois senator’s loss by one percentage point was portrayed by the media as an upset by the Clinton campaign, the closeness of the N.H. race showcased Obama’s ability to capture white votes in a way no other black presidential candidate has been able to do.

By Alexander D. Pinto

It was shocking.

Regardless of the fact that there were death threats, a major attempt on her life in her chaotic return to Pakistan, and that she had a history of questionable political tactics, Benazir Bhutto’s assassination on December 27th was shocking. Of course it was no surprise; but surprise and shock can be separate.

“A disposition to preserve and an ability to improve, taken together, would be my standard of a statesman. Everything else is vulgar in the conception, perilous in the execution.” -Edmund Burke

Today’s episode brought to you by: Kenyan President Mwai Kibaki

The latest, including:

Hey, cute girl with brown hair wearing a Dylan shirt last friday, you left your bag in my room….come get it…maybe a repeat?
When: Last Friday Jan. 18th
Where: College Street
I saw: A Woman
I am: A Man

Go to http://thewatertowernews.com/iwantyousobad to read the rest and submit your own!

By Lea McLellan

I was visiting my friend in Boston when he offered to pay for my lunch and my movie ticket. I was running out of money, so I pulled an “oh you don’t have to,” quickly followed by an, “okay thanks!” He informed me that it was no problem and that we were actually on a date. I responded by saying, “awesome,” and that was that. Now I’m pretty sure he was just being cute and the real reason he paid was because I had driven two hours to visit him and we hadn’t seen each other in over a year. It definitely was not a date-at least I doubt it.

By Peter Casasa-Blouin

The most coveted hip hop ticket to come to Vermont since I have been here expired Tuesday evening when Wu-Tang Clan, sans RZA, performed at Higher Ground. This highly anticipated show sold out so quickly that the number of stragglers warranted another performance.

This was good for Vermont, but at the time it was not good for me. I was already nervous that I spent forty dollars to hear 8 Diagrams — a CD I wasn’t feeling and couldn’t sing along with. But as the day drew closer it dawned on me that I was about to see Wu-Tang. The first rap album I bought with my own money was 36 Chambers, and when I heard that RZA was a no show, I was confident they would play classics.

The Davis Center: Precisely What We Need

By Julia Taddonio

Many students do not take advantage or even know about the Pass/No Pass (P/NP) option when enrolling in classes. I found out about it when I was making arrangements to study abroad.

Students are allowed to take a maximum of two P/NP credits each semester beginning their sophomore year. The credits cannot go toward one’s major, minor, or distribution requirements. To do this you just need to fill out a simple form from the Registrar’s Office, get some John Hancocks from your advisor and your Dean, and have these forms all in by the tenth day of the chosen class.

By Ben Silverman

We’ve presumably all gotten the line when as tiny children we didn’t want to finish our supper, specifically when it tasted god-awful, that there were children starving in [insert ambiguous third world region here] and they’d love to have what we have. Though we were never really able to figure out what the connection between the two was.

Now I am not disputing there are hungry people out there. We can see it on our own blocks, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture 35.5 million Americans were “food insecure” in 2006, up 400,000 from the year before.

Created by Anya Brodrick, Illustration by Alexander Whitehead
This section deconstructs the styles of today. The tripartite nature of the section demonstrates the intersection of image-word-mathematics.

A Day in the Life of Kelly O’Dowd

11 am: Wakes up. Usually this is considered late & lazy by most people (especially during the week), but she justifies it by telling herself it’s not normal to wake up when it’s not actually sunny out.

11:20 am: Calls mom to complain about how horribly cold/snowy/wintry it is. When mom reminds her that Vermont winters have always been like this, she cuts her off by asking about going on a cruise and/or Cabo for spring break or hell, even the next three day weekend.

By Alejandro Townsendo

Our hormonal levels have led to a basic attraction,

Which has become an annoying distraction.

But such things are inevitable and you’re not someone I hate,

So I suppose that we can procreate.

The Water Tower would like to applaud this cycle’s candidates for their masterful use of catchy sound bites. These clever phrases, images, and anecdotes are employed to reinforce in as few words as possible what a particular candidate stands for (or against). Best of all, sound bites save us from subjugation to boring garbage like policy specifics and replace them with general, malleable themes. They’re quick, easy, and painless- like drive-thru fast food. Now that’s a happy meal.

In this section, The Water Tower taps into the genius of UVM to make some very necessary editions to our lexicon. This week:A word that could be used to describe the act of skiing or snowboarding interchangeably

Example: “Sick, is that a Burton Custom X?”
“Yeah, man, you should drop the skis and get one.”
“No way, but we should go ____ing at Sugarbush this Friday.”

Lame: Winter mountain sporting, hitting the mountain, shredding the gnar, riding

Send suggestions to thewatertowernews@gmail.com or Contact Us and we’ll publish the best submissions next week. Word up.

By Bridget Treco

Upon coming to college, I realized that my experiences in theatre translate into my off-stage life. I’ve always been a sensitive, emotional person, but I never realized how intense it was until I made the transition from high school to college. Throughout high school, I made drama in all areas of my life: with guys, friends, and myself. Because theatre has always been such a big part of my life, drama doesn’t just follow me, it rides on my back.