Gole’ Kit! It’s Fast, It’s Easy, and It’s Free!

Published February 5, 2008

By Lea McLellan

I have a good life. I’ve got friends, family, enough to eat, a place to live…but I can’t help but feel as if there’s something missing.

I’m convinced that this void I feel is a direct result of my lack of unwanted, old gold. I’ve never thought of this as a significant disadvantage until recently, when I saw themost mysteriously awesome commercial on television. Yes, I’m talking about GoldKit.

One elderly woman received one thousand dollars for her old gold. Another exclaimed how she used the money she earned from her old gold to go on vacation. Then this cracked-out lady came on the screen and yelled, “Gole’ Kit It’s fast! Easy! And it’s free!”

Consequently, I became obsessed. I never knew it before coming to Vermont (where GoldKit commercials run rampant), but apparently the old gold dilemma is something lots of people struggle with every day. The most commonly afflicted group is old women who would rather have quick cash than have their old gold sitting around collecting dust-and hey! Who wouldn’t?!

Luckily for these people with piles of old gold ruining their lives, there is a solution. The solution comes in the form of GoldKit. You can sell your old coins, charms, chains, broken jewelry, ugly gold bracelets from ex-boyfriends, even your old gold teeth! Seriously…gold teeth.

After my initial excitement at the prospect of ridding myself of all theunwanted gold I don’t have, I brieflyquestioned this seemingly flawless process. You send these people your valuables in an envelope and they decide how much money to send you. There had to be a catch. But then I remembered that GoldKit is fast, easy, free, and satisfaction is guaranteed. Not to mention, they’ve been relieving people of their old gold for almost twenty years. Wouldn’t I rather have cold, hard cash than my unwanted gold? Umm, yes in fact I would!

Obviously I had to have it. So I called the toll free number, gave the automated voice recording my address, and at no cost to me, the infamous GoldKit was on its way. Needless to say, I could barely contain my excitement, but I didn’t have to wait long. I barely had time to consider dropping a few classes to make time for metal detecting or a life of gold-stealing crime, before my GoldKit arrived in my little Living/ Learning mailbox.

All I could think was, “this is really happening…my GoldKit is really here.” I eagerly tore open the envelope. I didn’t know exactly what to expect, but I knew it had to be pretty incredible. I mean, it’s Gole’ Kit! The first thing I saw was a letter outlining how I can get cash for my old gold-something I was already quite familiar with after having watched the commercial relentlessly.

I tossed the letter aside and kept looking in the envelope for the rest of the GoldKit.. And that’s when the depressing reality set in. The
GoldKit was a tiny, plastic ziplock bag. On the upside, I learned a valuable life lesson. If you don’t have any old gold, don’t order a GoldKit.

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