IN-DEPTH: The Water Tower Guide to Super Tuesday

Published February 5, 2008

Illustrations by Erin Daigle
Super Tuesday by Max C. Bookman

The Super Bowl is over, but now the nation braces for the next day of Super proportions, Super Tuesday. In this special, The Water Tower breaks down what you need to know for today’s festivities.

Super States

18 states will be holding Democratic and Republican contests today:

• California
• Utah
• Colorado
• Minnesota
• Missouri
• Alabama
• Georgia
• New Jersey
• Connecticut
• Alaska
• Arizona
• North Dakota
• Illinois
• Arkansas
• Tennessee
• New York
• Delaware
• Massachusetts

Endorsement Battle Royale

Receiving endorsements is a key method for candidates to garner support, capture airtime, and share lots of pleasantries that usually include words like “great American,” “utmost admiration,” and “a good friend of mine.”

The big endorsements:

• Giuliani and Schwarzenegger for McCain- A one-two punch of support from the 9/11-ator made national headlines and is important for Senator McCain in delegate-rich California.

• The Kennedy’s for Obama–Democratic superstar Ted Kennedy, brother of the former president, sent shockwaves through the Democratic party when he announced support for Obama despite private requests from the Clinton clan to stay neutral. New York Times for Clinton - The editorial board of one of the nation’s leading newspapers joined big names like Janet Reno and Bill Clinton in supporting Hillary’s bid for the White House.

Super Astrology

Tuesday comes from the Old English Tiwes dæg, named after the god Tyr, who is the Nordic equivalent of the Greek god Aries.

Therefore, Super Tuesday also means Super Aries Day.

This is great news for Democratic long-shot (and May birthday) Mike Gravel, who just happens to be an Aries!

Even better news for Mr. Gravel–he’s the only Aries in the race! No wonder he’s yet to drop out, despite abysmal poll numbers, double-digit primary support, lack of any important endorsements, zero coverage by the major networks, and spot as the butt of jokes from nationally respected figures ranging from Jay Leno to The Water Tower.

Super Dupers

Not every candidate has made it to Super Tuesday. Here’s who’s left:

Democrats: Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Mike Gravel

Republicans: Mike Huckabee, John McCain, Mitt Romney, Ron Paul

‘Twas a Tuesday

There’s plenty of Tuesdays that Americans get worked up over, and they all have one thing in common — People freak out.

Ruby Tuesday- Lackluster bar and grill chain, named after the Rolling Stones’ song of the same name. Reason to bug– “Why didn’t we go to Applebees?” Freak Out Scale: 3

Twisted Tuesday- Day for college freshmen and alcoholics of all ages to cite a clever reason to drink on a Tuesday, masking the fact that it’s never okay to drink on a Tuesday. Precedes Wasted Wednesday. Freak Out Scale: 4

Fat Tuesday- The day before Lent begins, commonly known as Mardi Gras, Fat Tuesday is famous among college students and 20-somethings for excessive drinking and promiscuity, all while sporting little colorful plastic bead necklaces. Freak Out Scale: 7

Black Tuesday- October 29, 1929, the day the stock market crashed, inaugurating the Great Depression. People flooded banks, withdrew
funds, and jumped out of windows. Freak Out Scale: 8

Super Democracy’s Superdelegates

Yeah - it’s a real term. Superdelegates are about 800 Democratic party insiders (such as Bill Clinton) who are given the privilege to vote for whomever they want in the nominating process and not be bound by popular sentiment. The idea is to help steer the masses away from a potentially poor nominee, but it’s also terribly undemocratic. In a tight race for the nomination, these delegates will have significant sway. Right now, a hefty number of these establishment elites are waving the Clinton flag.

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