News In Brief

Published February 5, 2008

By Max C. Bookman

“We’re only going to score seventeen points?”

-A smiling New England Patriots Quarterback Tom Brady, laughing off predictions made by New York Giant Plaxico Burress prior to Sunday’s Super Bowl that the Giants would win by a score of 23-17. The undefeated Patriots were halted yards away from history by the underdog Giants in a highly emotional and suspenseful post-season championship. The final score came in a touchdown caught none other than Burress. New York sports fans finally rejoice.

“The state of our Union will remain strong.”

-President George W. Bush, delivering optimistic news during his final State of the Union address last week. The president stressed how far America has come over the past eight years, highlighting the new challenges that face the nation: uncooperative Middle Eastern regimes, debate over tax cuts, and a divisive presidential election. So much for a legacy of change.

“It was a wakeup call.”

-Head of a major Indian outsourcing company, R.S. Perhar, regarding the hemispheric Internet failure that struck Europe and Asia following the mysterious cutting of three key undersea cables beneath the Mediterranean Sea. Outsourcing companies such as his, which heavily rely on Internet traffic with the United States, were the most affected by the outage, as they were left unable to communicate.

“Hell yeah! […] I want some more.”

-Sexy text messages sent by Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick to his chief of staff. The text messages are only the recent chapter in a whistle-blowing lawsuit brought against the mayor. Kilpatrick, who is married, testified that he did not have a romantic relationship with his chief of staff. So then what did he want some more of? Maybe budget reports…

“It is time for me to step aside so that history can blaze its path.”

-Former presidential candidate John Edwards, dropping out of the Democratic race last week after continuously failing to break through the ceiling set by Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. Edwards, whose populist messages commonly appeared in The Water Tower News in Brief, has yet to endorse a candidate. Supporters float possible Edwards VP ideas, but will the famed son of the mill worker step into a Kerry-Edwards repeat?

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