Super Stakes

Published February 5, 2008

By David Volain

Ladies and gentlemen start your engines! February 5th is here! Super Tuesday is upon us and it’s time for a whole bunch of hoorah! Once only a simply day of primaries, Super Tuesday has evolved into something of such grandeur so as to earn it such a descriptive and original title. It is now celebrated by the politically obsessed as somewhat of a holiday in its own right. There are lots of balloons, plenty of speeches and more toasts than a bachelor party! If baked beans get the whole month of July, can’t political candidates get a single day once every four years!

This year Super Tuesday has taken a slightly different turn. Normally a holiday for caucasian men of the Protestant persuasion, the true cultural essence of the celebration has caught on among women, African-Americans, and even the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints!

With Johnny Boy and Rudy Jewels having recently dropped out, the race as of right now has come down to five major competitors, two Democrats and three Republicans. On the Democratic side, Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama will be vying for the support of delegates from 22 states. Clinton has a lot of momentum right now, coming off a big victory in Florida, where the delegate votes may not even count due to the state’s lack of accordance with the Democratic Party’s primary scheduling rules. If Obama does super well, on Super Tuesday, it could be super special for his campaign.

On the Republican side, John McCain is gaining more steam while Michael “Hucka-be-a-bible-toter” is beginning to fall behind. Quite a few of the 24 republican primaries that take place on Super Tuesday will occur in the South and Mid-West, where Huckabee has a much larger backing than in the Northeast. McCain hopes he can lead his troops to victory today while Mitt Romney is hoping to do well while escaping religious persecution from Huckabee supporters. No matter who comes out on top, it will be very interesting to see how things play out.

No matter whom you support, remember, Super Tuesday is a time of celebration. It is a time for family and a time for loved ones. After you cast your vote, remember, it’s a holiday of joy and happiness, not bitter hatred. So when you leave the voting booth and you see that Nader-lover or Buchanan-backer on the way to the car, don’t hate on a bro. Give him a hug and say, Happy Super Tuesday!

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