News In Brief

Published February 19, 2008

VT Governor Jim Douglas (left) shares a chuckle with Presidential
candidate John McCain in South Burlington. (AP Photo)

By Max C. Bookman

“That’s so evil!”

-Presumptive Republican presidential nominee John McCain, explaining the evil-ness of various terrorist actions to an enthusiastic crowd at Burlington Airport on Thursday. The Senator spent no less than an hour in Vermont before flying off to somewhere more important, but he was able to fill an entire plane hanger with probably every Republican in the state.

“The M&M in question is unmistakably in reference to… The Naked Cowboy’s trademarked likeness.”

-Contents of a complaint issued by Robert Burck (famously known as Times Square’s Naked Cowboy) in his lawsuit against M&M’s parent company for allegedly creating a Times Square billboard of an M&M dressed like the cowboy, who has trademarked his image. But aren’t M&M’s always naked?

“At a minimum, a head of state should have a head.”

-Russian President Vladimir Putin commenting on Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, in a recent press conference. Clinton’s campaign has struggled in the past week, following a string of negative headlines including eight straight primary losses to Barack Obama. But with all of the bad publicity, the media is just setting the New York Senator up for a slam-dunk “comeback” in the upcoming Texas and Ohio primaries. Oh, and that wasn’t very nice, Vlad.

“I don’t feel anything from my chest down, so I didn’t know my ribs were broken.”

-Ryan Sterner, a quadriplegic man who was dumped out of his wheelchair onto the floor of a the Hillsboro sheriff’s office by a laughing police officer who thought he was lying about his condition. Mr. Sterner had been arrested for a traffic violation. Next: Police hit supposedly blind criminals in the face. If they’re not blind, they’ll duck the punch!

“We will not stand here and watch this floor be abused for pure political grandstanding.”

-House Minority Leader John Boehner berating House Democrats for voting to hold President Bush’s Chief of Staff Josh Bolten and former White House attorney Harriet Miers in contempt for failing to cooperate in the congressional Attorneygate investigation. The angry GOP representatives staged a walkout, leaving only the Democrats to vote on the measure.

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