Romance When You’re Single

Published February 19, 2008

By Alex Townsend

Dear Journal,

This Valentine’s Day was great. Really, I was ready to go all-out. In fact, I had a list prepared of all my favorite romance movies. I watched them all back to back while I cuddled up with…well I don’t really have anyone to cuddle with right now so it had to be my teddy bear. But that’s okay! Zolton’s a way better listener than any stupid significant other anyway.

Still, it’s not like I’m going to be single forever, right? Soon I’ll have a snookie-okkie-wookie-kums of my own. Abby may have always hated it when I called her that, but we’ve both moved on now; her with her pride and happiness and me with a gaping hole in my heart that spurts out puddles of black blood and keeps me awake for nights on end.

That’s not a problem though! The next filly or fellow in my life will totally love all of my pet names, because love is awesome like that. Love is a fantastic thing that makes you feel all cuddly and warm and fuzzy inside, kind of like my bunny. She was warm, cuddly, and fuzzy right up until the day that I found her dead in her cage with a bug roaming around her fur. I think a fox ate her after she’d been buried.

But so what if this was another Valentine’s Day that I was single for? It’s even better this way I’d say. This way I didn’t have to worry about making kissy faces with anyone after my long romance movie marathon. I could just turn off the television and get to work on those essays I’d been putting off because I was too busy rereading every I.M. session I ever had with my exes. A good GPA doesn’t earn itself after all.

Huh, my eye’s doing that weird twitchy thing again. Maybe I should see someone about that. Hey, maybe if I go to the doctor’s office there’ll be some cute guy in the waiting room and we’ll strike up a conversation and it’ll turn out that I’m exactly the kind of person he’s always wanted and then we’ll get married and…Maybe I should lie down for a bit.

Of course, it’s possible that I’m getting too worked up about this. It is just another holiday forced upon us by the Hallmark Overlords. Clearly, if we had a choice in the matter no one would ever celebrate Valentine’s Day. They’d probably throw rocks at one another because the world is a bleak, depressing place where no happiness can endure. People just leave you for no reason and never return your favorite CD, which isn’t really that big a deal since you have all the songs on your ipod anyway, but it’s the principle damn it.

So yes, Valentine’s Day is nothing to be vaguely concerned about. Let the lovers have their sappy-happy love day. They can keep their candle-lit dinners and clearly unending happiness. I’ve got something even better. I’ve got Zolton and cheap chocolate.

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