The Shit List

Published February 26, 2008

By Mac Smith

Atlanta—
State legislators in Georgia, recently stricken by horrible drought, are trying to annex land in Tennessee by restoring the border to its 1818 status, which would push it North past the Tennessee River. This act of desperation comes after the Georgian government seems to have exhausted all of its other bright ideas, like when Governor Sonny Purdue led a prayer for rain on the steps of the State Capitol.
Idiots.

Belgrade—
Protesters in Belgrade, Serbia broke into the U.S. embassy there and set fire to it in order to show outrage over Kosovo’s independence. Sticks and stones, guys. You can burn down as many embassies as you want but it won’t help you get Kosovo back.

Burlington, Iowa—
Scott Adams was fired from Catfish Bend Casino because he put a “Dilbert” comic on an office bulletin board. “Dilbert” portrays the relationship between everyday office drones and their higher-ups. Apparently, Adams was not a “team player.” Tough crowd.

Ray L. Hunt—
Bush’s approved 700-mile fence separating the United States and Mexico that cuts through hundreds of homes is going to conveniently end at Mr. Hunt’s property line. It might have had something to do with the fact that he donated $35 million towards Bush’s presidential library. It might all be for nothing when those tricky Mexicans realize they can still go around the fence right through his property.

Texas—
Polls show Clinton and Obama in a dead-heat, with 50% of eligible voters likely to vote for Clinton and 48% for Obama. If you guys mess up Obama’s winning streak, I’m gonna come down there and it won’t be pretty.

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