The Thin Line Between Facebooking and Stalking

Published March 4, 2008

By Lea McLellan

So I’m sitting in Harris Millis, checking out the cute boy from Bio that I had JUST friended on Facebook (but have never actually spoken to) when he looked over, smiled at me, and walked over to the sandwich line.

I practically choked on my grilled cheese, I was so psyched! He must have confirmed my request, why else would he so blatantly smile in my direction?? I couldn’t wait to get back to Millis 3 Lo so I could check my notifications. First Facebook friends, then smiles from across the dining hall, next — who knows?! Maybe a wave, or even a “what’s up?”

But I didn’t want to get ahead of myself. I resolved to keep cool and write on his wall the next day. What should I say? “How was your sandwich?” No way that’s lame and creepy. Maybe just, “hey :)” No. Too minimalist. I know. I’ll make some reference to Friday’s quiz. You know, because Bio is our common ground. Perfect.

When I got back to my dorm room, it was just as I’d expected-we were totally friends. Well, Facebook friends anyway, but what’s the difference? I changed my status to like, thirty exclamation points. That’s how excited I was.

I was perfecting my wall post to Bio boy in my head when I noticed in my newsfeed that Jessica and Brian were “no longer in a relationship.” I couldn’t believe it-they had looked so happy in both their default pics. But the little sawed in half heart doesn’t lie.
Poor Jessica. I messaged her right away asking how she was and giving my condolences over her dead relationship. I noticed that someone had asked her about it right on her wall so everyone could see. Some people are sooo tacky.

Anyways, after confirming two friend requests, sending my bffl Jackie from high school a super cute kitten bumper sticker, and playing a short game of Jetman, I decided that I’d better study for Bio. I got out my book, uncapped my highlighter, opened my notebook, and… well then I checked my Facebook.

See, the only problem with studying for Bio is that it reminds me way too much of Steve (also known as Bio boy). I decided there really wasn’t any use in fighting it. It’s not like I was going to fail Biology if I checked out his profile…five minutes tops.

Oh my god, his birthday is a week after mine AND we’re both “liberal.” What are the odds of that? Wow. He’s a political science major-cute! We are so perfect it’s almost scary. I probably should have gotten back to studying, but I couldn’t resist looking in his most recently tagged album. That’s when I saw Steve at a party with some trashy looking chick totally hanging all over him. Her name was Candice. Ew. What a skank!

So I clicked on the bitch, got to her profile and there was Steve in her top friends AND he had written on her wall. He wrote, “yo good timezz last weekend. We should chill again soon.” I was instantly consumed by the urge to vomit. Timezz with two “z’s”?? This kid was obviously a loser!

Sure it was disappointing, but at least now I knew not to waste my time. Plus, Jason just left me an adorable wall post. Maybe I’ll text him this weekend…awesome!

Gosh…what did people even do before Facebook?

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