Welcome to the Grundel

Published March 4, 2008

By Sam Theodosopoulos

Throughout my freshmen year I have been privy to the Harris Millis dining experience: a four star restaurant located in the heart of the freshman dorms where every worker appears to either be clinically depressed or Nazi-like when you try and sneak a banana back to your room.

It is here that an assortment of inedible pizza, pasta, and chicken patties are served. Let us first examine the colloquial term “grundel” which is used more than synonymously in reference to the Harris Millis dining hall.

According to the most respected of all dictionaries, Urbandictionary.com, a grundel is defined as “The space of epidermis constituting the area betwixt the anal opening and the scrotum of a male.” Interestingly enough, this is listed as the second definition; the first one reads: “The Harris-Millis cafeteria at the University of Vermont.”

When I first arrived here this past September, I naturally had no idea this would be the term I would be using to tritely refer to my dining hall. When I first heard it I asked my fellow frosh, “Why the hell are they calling it the grundel?” He just looked back with a puzzled stare and shrugged his shoulders.

This continued for about a week or so before I finally had it explained to me by a more enlightened upperclassman. I then suddenly realized the meaning of it. Its strategic location between areas on campus most definitely paralleled that of a male grundel. So after that realization my buddies and I no longer said, “Hey lets go eat at Harris-Millis or Harri-Milli, (as it has also been called).” The phrase, “Everyday we’re grundelin” or the non-rap fans’ “Welcome to the Grundel” became vernacular to us.

However, despite its sweet nickname, the grundel has let me down. After eating there for about a week, I swore to never eat another chicken pattie or I would slit my own throat. I also could no longer stomach another piece of “grundel pizza” which tastes as if it weere made from my sister’s Easy Bake oven.

The only good thing the grundel can provide is scheduled shits, a sentiment I am sure is shared by any unfortunate soul who has eaten there. After I pledged to not return I switched my meal plan to all points, a meal plan that is sure to only adequately feed an anorexic crack whore. Sadly, after my last point was spent at the Marche, Brennans, and the Marketplace I decided that I was living too high on the totem pole, and it was time to return to the famed UVM grundel this semester.

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