News In Brief

Published March 25, 2008

By Max C. Bookman

“Can we have sex and then go shopping?”

-Britney Spears, in a cameo on CBS’s How I Met Your Mother, which aired on Monday. The queen of unwarranted media fascination (including The Water Tower - we just can’t help ourselves), is looking to rehabilitate her image after recently leaving the hospital following a traumatic and well-publicized personal breakdown. We’ll see.

“So?”

-Response offered by Vice President Dick Cheney when informed by a reporter that two-thirds of Americans now think the war in Iraq is not worth fighting. He added that he is never fazed by “fluctuations in public opinion polls.” A majority of the American people have been against the war for more than three years, now - hardly a fluctuation. The Vice President, on a trip to the Middle East, later went fishing on the Sultan of Oman’s 60-foot royal yacht. Nice.

“Imprudent curiosity.”

-State Department spokesman Sean McCormack’s explanation for the unauthorized opening of the passport files of Senators Hillary Clinton, John McCain, and Barack Obama, an issue that was exposed in a flurry of press releases last week. A similar breach occurred in the early ‘90’s when a State Department official illegally accessed presidential candidate Bill Clinton’s passport file to see if he had applied to leave the country to dodge the Vietnam draft. The WT has a better phrase: “Illegal ineptitude.”

“[It] was a bit of a dagger.”

-UVM Men’s Hockey senior co-captain Mark Lutz, after Saturday night’s Hockey East championship game against Boston College. Tired from the previous night’s explosive 3-1 victory against Boston University in the semifinals, UVM was shut out 4-0 by BC. There’s always next year, boys.

“The Dalai clique is scheming to take the Beijing Olympics hostage to force… Tibet independence.”

-Chinese state media outlet, The People’s Daily, condemning the recent outbreak of violence in Tibet as a ploy by the Dalai Lama to sour Western opinion of the authoritative communist country, which is scheduled to hold the 2008 summer Olympics in Beijing. Media access to Chinese-occupied Tibet has been severely restricted since the riots began, however, several reports of outrageous human rights abuses have leaked through.

Print This Article

Comments