Tan Bitches: Orange, the New Bronze

Published March 25, 2008

By Julia Taddonio

Anthropology is an interesting study, and although many students are generally introduced to it by examining cultures unknown to them, sometimes it is compelling to just go ahead and take a look at your immediate surroundings.

Take our student body for example, and let’s put our focus on the ladies. The trend to be as tan as possible, especially after Spring Break, has become paramount to the females at UVM. This is no new fad, but it’s worth pointing out due to its absurdity, and also to offer a word of advice to the fine women at UVM.

The funny thing is that these days it doesn’t matter if you didn’t get to head South and catch some genuine UV rays. It’s just as cool to “fake” tan at tanning salons. It is also really important to go tanning before you catch some true sunshine, because, “Like I need a base because I don’t want to burn in Mexico, and when I get back I totally have to go like once a week if I want to keep my tan until summertime.”

Maybe the “sun” has gotten to their heads, because what these “bright” young women don’t seem to realize is they are not bronzed, rather they take on a more orange hue. It is very easy to distinguish between a healthy glow from a week in the sun and a “student special unlimited tanning package” at the Electric Beach Salon or some other tanning establishment.

Being tan makes women feel desirable and sexy. The thirst to have a tan is certainly cross-cultural with women all over the world passing time soaking up sun. Though I am not absolutely certain, the desire to be orange seems to be a more limited phenomenon, predominant here in the United States for girls between the ages of fifteen and up.

If you are a faker, you know who you are. Think of how much money you could save if you resisted those cravings to lie in a fifteen minute heated coffin that turns your skin not tanned, but orange. Think of what your skin will look like in twenty years, even ten. If you’re a regular at the tanning salon, I have news for you…everyone knows it. For crying out loud this is Vermont. Let’s at least be realistic, we don’t even get the sun from spring until May!

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