On Mario Kart
Published April 8, 2008
By Max C. Bookman
The sun is always setting in the Kalimari Desert. It forever casts a brilliant orange glow that illuminates the entire wilderness. Ominous green cacti dot the horizon. Everything is still, except for the occasional steam locomotive chugging by.
The silence is broken by a tiny green dinosaur strapped to a noisy go-kart. He tears through the desert at death-defying speeds, masterfully negotiating turns in the road, spectacularly drifting with surprising grace.
Just ahead is the finish line. The little dinosaur can taste the sweet victory as he speeds ahead. But disaster strikes!
As he navigates the final turn, a foreboding banana peel appears directly in his path. He tries to avoid it, but it’s too late. The unwelcome surprise wreaks havoc on the poor dinosaur’s kart, causing it to spin out, coming to a complete stop just feet away from the finish line.
But it’s not over yet. He slams on gas in desperation, but he can’t accelerate fast enough. Before he crosses the finish line, a rowdy barrage of seven other go-karts speed by, leaving poor Yoshi in the dust, stealing his victory.
Now it’s time to put down the ancient grey plastic controller, and turn off the Nintendo 64. Your friends want to play Call of Duty 4 on Xbox 360, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
For me, like many in our generation who grew up with video games in the house, Mario Kart 64 is legendary. Of course, Mario Kart
wasn’t my first love. That prize is reserved for Sonic the Hedgehog 2 for Sega Genesis. Genesis, which was released in North America in 1989, was already old news by the time that shiny black box appeared in my living room following my fifth birthday. So when, in 1996, ads for a new super-modern must-have video game system appeared on Nickelodeon teasing me with “Get N, or get Out,” I knew we were on the brink of something huge.
As the years passed, systems like Playstation, Gamecube, and PS2 have been relegated to dusty boxes in the basement or attic, temporary amusements forgotten by popular culture and unable to rouse lore. But today, more than a decade after its release, N64 still proudly sits connected to TV sets in dorm rooms on campuses across the country, the world, and most likely the Milky Way.
One reason for N64’s staying power is its durability. Its Japanese creators must have known that their creation was groundbreaking, because N64 was built to last. N64’s have been dropped, spilled on, puked on, microwaved, eaten by elephants, and probably far worse—yet they still work. Meanwhile, my Playstation 2, which came out four years later, broke in 2006, and is now sitting under twenty tons of garbage on Staten Island.
There are even rumors that N64, along with dung beetles, are the only living things that can survive a nuclear holocaust. Which is great news, because once we blow ourselves off the planet in the next few years (the world ends in 2012, Wikipedia it), at least the radioactively mutated beetles will have Mario Kart to play.
But the main reason why N64 has stuck around so long is because it provides solid, simple fun. In the days of wireless controllers, super-realistic CGI, online gaming, Wii’s and 360’s, sometimes it’s nice to get back to the basics. Today’s most popular video games - Halo, Call of Duty, even sports games like FIFA - are modeled like they are full-length Hollywood movies.
From intricate plot twists, to elaborate user interfaces, to incredibly realistic character rendering, today’s video games look and feel like movies.
Which is why Mario Kart is still fucking awesome. Mario Kart for Nintendo 64 is the quintessential representative of all that was great about oldschool video games. The concept is simple. Select which character you want to play as, and race him (or Peach) around one of sixteen tracks that range from the standard, Kalimari Desert, to the absurd, Rainbow Road. If you reach the finish line first, you win. It’s easy and it’s fun.
Of course, any seasoned Mario Kart veteran knows that there is far more to the game than that. Honed players are masters at drifting, know all about that scummy cheat in Wario Stadium, and never fail at cutting through the secret shortcut on Koopa Troopa Beach. But this is the beauty of Mario Kart – you do not have to know all that stuff to have fun playing the game.
Anyone can pick up a controller, and after a painless explanation of the controls (push “A” to go), will be having fun in minutes.
This is a facet that, sadly, today’s video game lack. Inexperienced players are generally
intimidated by the unbelievable amount of practice and skill exhibited by their experienced friends, full-fledged Guitar Heroes and Heroines (“real” guitar players scoff at the “skill” part). Those who are new to popular first person shooter games find themselves tearing their hair out in frustration as they lose over and over again, as they try to master all one million button combos while their friends annoyingly kick their asses.
So Mario and Yoshi may have been replaced by Soap and Master Chief, but I won’t be bothered. There is a time and a place for life-like graphics, blood and guts, and hardcore game play, but when my inner 10 year-old wants some good old-fashioned, friendly 64-bit fun, I am quick to indulge.
And barring the development of Halo Kart (highly unlikely), or nuclear winter (yeah, right), Yoshi will continue cruising through the Kalimari Desert, barreling towards the finish line.
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