The Shit List

Published April 8, 2008
One Comment (at bottom of article)

By Mac Smith

1. Hillary Clinton — Clinton just came out with another 3AM ad. This time, it’s an economic crisis. She promises she’ll be there to answer that call. What the fuck. First of all, NO economic crisis happens at 3 in the morning. The European markets are hardly open. Secondly, there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it for another 6 and a half hours when our markets open. Thirdly, anything short of an absolute catastrophe can wait until she’s briefed the following morning. This is why she has aides. The president needs to get some sleep and not be an insomniac moron.

2. The Smithsonian — 11-year-old Kenton Stufflebeam went with his family to the Smithsonian on April 2nd and pointed out a typo at the Tower of Time exhibit that described the Precambrian as an era. Of course, this is common knowledge. The exhibit has been open since 1981. The contestants who lost on “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?” are vindicated.

3. Francis Clapham — This sixteen-year-old Briton died from snorting heroin that he thought was cocaine. Darwin nomination, anyone?

4. Art Price Jr. — Art was charged with four counts of public indecency after a neighbor videotaped him repeatedly having sex with his patio table. Art’s wife was pretty jealous, but not nearly as jealous as the vacuum cleaner, who felt Art’s choice for a mistress was about a 6, where the vacuum is clearly a 9.

5. The Penny- - Since 1982, the US has used Zinc to make pennies. Recently, because of Zinc’s soaring value, each penny the United States issues costs 1.7 cents to make. That’s just the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Ever.

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