Top 5 Future Sexual Situations and Hang-ups Predicted for Current UVM’ers
Published April 8, 2008
1. Difficulty reaching climax without partner employing best pagan ritual voice and chanting the words “Heady, Dank, Blaze” in increasing speed and volume
2. Recurring outbreak of Mad Ill Snowboard Warts
3. Pain and brief imprisonment caused by fetish for catamounts and other members of the cougar family
4. Inability to distinguish between bongs, phalluses, and organic carrots
5. Preference for getting totally “blitzkrieged” prior to all sexual contact not conducive to long-term relationships or marriage
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