Tri-Factor: The Intramural Sports Player

Published April 15, 2008

A day in the life of Max Power

By Maxwell Fein and Anya Brodrick, Illustration by Alexander Whitehead

This section deconstructs the styles of today. The tripartite nature of the section demonstrates the intersection of image-word-mathematics.

7:30 am: Wakes up and goes for a light jog around the dorms. Staying fit is essential if you want to compete in intramural sports. Also good opportunity to see what his competition is.

8:15 am: Pounds his box of wheaties-but makes sure to leave perfect post lunch snack amount (eaten dry with protein powder on top). Good thing his mom got a costco card so he can get the big boxes.

11:07 am: Receives a hot tip from a secret source that a softball player is interested in playing water polo. Cuts class to try and recruit her. An athletic, tall, female with a great arm will be a perfect forward to his already [almost] flawless team.

1:00 pm: Has to meet with Shelby, the head honcho of intramural sports to talk about his teammate getting ejected out of last week’s broomball game. A broken stick doesn’t always mean there was a foul.

5:00 pm: Has his pregame meal: spaghetti and meatballs, with two slices of pizza. Perfect combination of protein and starch will get him ready for his games that night.

7:30 pm: Co-rec broomball time. It’s his 4th semester with the same time, but still no championship. Will they go all the way this semester? Will the highly coveted yet hideous championship shirt be theirs?!?

8:30 pm: Apparently not this semester. Whatever-it’s not him, it’s his lame teammates. Shame on him for sticking with them for so long. Scouts for new players to join his new team. Takes detailed notes.

10:15 pm: Plays indoor soccer with a new set of friends. Plays more aggressively since its not co-rec, but not too hard-no one likes a fuckin’ bruise on their knee when they’re trying to rock shorts.

11:00 pm: Cheers in victory-practically loses his voice. Other team pretends not to care and walks off nonchalantly. Obviously they’re those suckers who thinks “it’s just a game.”

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