News in Brief

Published April 22, 2008

By Max C. Bookman

“It’s no old man’s job.”

-Democratic Representative John Murtha, addressing John McCain’s age while campaigning for Hillary Clinton. If he is victorious in November, Senator McCain, at 72, will be the oldest president ever elected. McCain wanted to respond, but his dentures fell out.

“It is more important to have good priests than many of them.”

-Conciliatory words of Pope Benedict XVI flying over the Atlantic Ocean en route to Washington, DC on his historic trip to the United States last week. The Pope spent much of his time here addressing the sex abuse scandal that has recently plagued the Catholic Church. The visit made Benedict only the third pope to travel to the U.S.

“Iraq cannot be the new Somalia.”

-Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki, urging the fledgling democracy’s political factions to unite against violence, following a surprise visit by Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice over the weekend. Somolia, which has been overridden by violence since 1991, is becoming more of an apt comparison everyday as violence continues to paralyze the Iraqi government.

“We need peace in the drug war, and this should be the central focus of 420.”

-Steven Hager, Editor-in-chief of High Times magazine, speaking to the press on Sunday. April 20, which is Adolph Hitler’s birthday as well as Snoop Dogg’s half birthday, is generally recognized as the national pot smoking holiday. Celebration at UVM was more low-key than in past years, as bleary-eyed Catamounts traveled to North Beach to revel. (Oh, North Beach. One thousand kids plus one seventy year-old man on a golf kart).

“We like Mr. Obama and hope he will win the election.”

-Hamas Political Advisor Ahmed Yousef, discussing Barack Obama’s candidacy. The comments were instant fodder for Republican attack dogs, who argue that the Illinois Senator’s foreign policy vision plays into the hands of terrorists. Nice job, Hamas.

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