The Shit List

Published April 22, 2008

By Mac Smith

1. ABC News
A war in Iraq, rising gas prices, home foreclosures, tax reform, immigration, gun laws, health care, our eroding school system, and an undecided democratic candidate all hung in the balance last Wednesday during ABC’s moderated debate, and we got the inside scoop on Obama’s flag pin. We found out who each candidate thinks is more electable. Obama found himself on the defense for his association with Reverend Wright, and Clinton regaled us with her famous Bosnia Landing Story. Charlie Gibson and George Stephanopoulos, you guys are either fucking stupid or think the American people are. You’re both fired.

2. Vitamins
A new study suggests that vitamin supplements may increase the risk of premature death. Thanks, Mom. Thanks a lot.

3. Honda
Staff at a Honda factory in the UK has been prohibited from eating cake and chocolate bars with a biscuit base. For instance: Three Musketeers=good, Twix=Bad. A Honda spokesman said that “our overall objective is to always deliver the highest quality product…therefore company standards are an essential aspect of our business.” I’m laughing right now as I write this.

4. Yuri Lyalin
This Russian man went to work, got drunk, passed out, got up, ate breakfast, and noticed a six inch knife stuck in his back. The next time you wake up to an unfortunate situation after a binge, remember to put things in perspective. Or maybe we just need to get whatever it is they drink over there.

5. Humanity
Sometime between May 1st and June 1st, the world’s population will hit 6,666,666,666. This doesn’t really mean anything. But if the world ends in the next month, we might have some indication.

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