Warning: Approaching Extreme Nerdiness, Proceed with Caution

Published April 22, 2008

By Alex Townsend

Last week a major infiltration was made from one world power into a gathering of another. The gathering I refer to is (what else could I possibly mean?) UVM’s fifth annual Tolkien Conference. I, a hardcore Harry Potter fan, braved the countless levels of security to see the inner workings of fantasy literature’s other major superpower.

The fools never suspected a thing! For some reason everyone thought that since I had read all the books and seen all the movies, and was enrolled in a Tolkien’s Middle Earth class, and was writing a twelve page term paper for said class, and was, you know, at a Tolkien conference that I must know a thing or two about The Lord of the Rings. I don’t. If there’s one thing this conference has made clear, it’s that I know nothing about those books.

The first night seemed innocent enough. Some folks just got together for some informal readings of the text. I could understand that. I certainly never tire of doing dramatic re-enactments of Harry’s sorting (for those not in the know, it’s when he almost gets put into Ravenclaw). But it was never a simple reading for the Tolkien fans.

No, someone would read from, say, The Battle of Pelennor Fields, quoting the part where the Riders of Rohan sound their horns and renew Gondor’s hope. The passage would be brief but moving, followed by polite applause and at least fifteen minutes discussing every word in just one sentence. Sometimes someone would even get into the etymology of one of Tolkien’s words to make their point (which basically always amounted to ‘This scene was cool’). I had to leave pretty soon. They weren’t boring though; they were intimidating.

I readily admit that the Harry Potter series isn’t nearly as literarily rich as The Lord of the Rings (Tolkien probably couldn’t bump into a typewriter without somehow churning out fifty pages about trees) but it’s also a lot less intense. Harry’s story is more fun and more humanized, allowing everyone to have flaws and redeeming characteristics. I’d like to see Gandalf give Pippin a cherry-drop after he helps defeat the witch-king.

Still, there’s no denying that Tolkien’s work offers a lot more options for scholarly analysis. Intense analysis —for three days.

The second day included all the main lectures. I have never seen people so engrossed by post-colonial- ism, heirlooms, and landscapes. I guess adding ‘and Tolkien’ to the title can make anything interesting.

The talks were fascinating; the depth of analysis was disturbing; it is possible that certain people may have taken some notes for certain term papers; and in the end everyone finally agreed that Tom Bombadil is… Okay, I’m just messing with you. No one ever agrees about Bombadil, except that he should have been in the movies. And while we’re on that note, yes, I do know that Harry was almost sorted into Slytherin, the horn of Rohan was first sounded in the Siege of Gondor, Dumbledore gave out lemon-drops, and that Merry fought the witch-king. Did I have you going there?

Huh, maybe I was in good company at the conference after all…

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